"We must be our own before we can be another's." -Emerson

I don't feel pretty every single day of my life. I don't always feel on the inside what I'm being told I look like on the outside. Some days I have to fight with FatRachel to keep her on the inside and out of my mind. Some days FatRachel wants to take over and convince Rachel that she's still that big girl who eats everything, is lazy, and doesn't look good in this outfit. I hate FatRachel sometimes. But honestly, I appreciate that she's still in there. She is a constant reminder of who I don't want to be. She is the inner voice trying to convince me to eat bad things that I have to fend off and ignore. FatRachel makes Rachel a stronger person. She makes Rachel a fighter and a victor. I think she'll always be in there, and as much as I hate when she talks to me, I will never fully get rid of her.

I do look so different than I did in January and before, but I feel that what has changed the way I look is my attitude. Inner beauty > outer beauty. Period. If you have an ugly soul, a poopy attitude, and never smile, you're going to be less attractive. When you project happiness, when you project positivity, when you project an attitude of confidence, you become more attractive. An example that comes to mind is America's Next Top Model. Yes, I watch it. Always. What I'm talking about, though, is the fact that some of those girls are so super gorgeous, but some of them, as the competition goes on and you get to know them better, become the ugliest people in the world in my eyes. When they complain, pick fights, talk bad about other people, they turn into absolute hags to me. Sometimes the ones who aren't quite as classically pretty become the most exquisite women to me because of their personalities and attitudes. There's never an excuse to be an ugly person. You don't have to look like a model to be beautiful. What makes you beautiful is what you give to the world, what you give to other people, and what you give to yourself. If you respect yourself enough to change for the better, you're going to find that you are more beautiful than you ever imagined you could be. When you can respect yourself enough to do these things and you gain confidence, the aura that you project is going to change the way others see you. 

You never know what you can be until you try to become the kind of person you want to be. Like I said, I don't always feel great about the way I look, I don't always feel great about what's going on in my life, I don't always want to be so positive. BUT I do it anyway. I try my hardest every single day to inspire others, help them feel better about their lives or even just feel better about their day. No matter what I'm going through, I want to always be that person that others can look to for motivation and help. Of course I need help from others in this department from time to time, but I'll never spread negativity. I aspire to be a person whom others can see as an example of these things. I want what I'm doing to spread through my friends, my family, everyone I come in contact with. I'm not that shy, insecure, sad girl anymore and I want people to see that. When I meet new people, I want it to be surprising to them that I use to be so shy and lacking in confidence. I want it to be shocking that I used to suffer from social anxiety. 

But more than anything, I want YOU to feel these things as well. I want YOU to learn to live this way. I want YOU to feel that you are beautiful because you're beautiful on the inside. I want your personality to be what others look at as your best feature. Be the best you that you can possibly be and become who you truly want to be. You have the choice. I didn't realize just how easy it really is to choose who I want to be. I thought that I was born that way and that I'd always be that way, but I chose to overturn that person. I decided to become what I am today. I'm a completely different person and I could not be happier to have morphed into this woman. I never really loved myself until now and, now that I finally do, I don't think I could ever let go of her.