"If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life." -Marcus Garvey

I enjoy dressing up. I like fixing my hair. I love putting on make-up. I love the way I feel when I'm all dolled up and its because I don't mind being noticed anymore. When I was bigger, I wanted to blend in. I didn't want to stand out or really be looked at. In my mind, people were judging me based on my weight and I just was not confident in the way I looked. After losing this weight, I absolutely love getting dressed up and feeling pretty. I feel the need to look good everytime I leave my house now, and I think this comes from so many years of hiding and looking a mess. I have found my confidence, I have found happiness in many aspects. I'm not nearly as shy as I once was. I'm a lot more sociable and I don't mind being looked at. I promise, I'm not vain...I just feel better all around.

I will tell you, though, that I can empathize with you if you still feel the way that I once did. If you don't feel good about the way you look, you're not going to feel good about yourself in any way. As much as that really stinks, its true. No matter how many times you tell yourself and others that you don't care what people think about you, you know that you really do, at least in some small way. Everyone cares a little bit. If you're not in a place yet that you feel good about yourself or feel attractive, fix it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with caring about how you look. In fact, it can do a world of good for you. Exercise has changed my energy, it has changed the way I feel about myself, it has changed the way I see myself. Even in the beginning, back when I first started this journey, I was already building my confidence and feeling more beautiful because I knew that I was working hard for something. I could feel a difference within myself, I could feel that I was gaining self-respect. So, according to other people, I was exuding a new aura, a new confidence.

I have been told my numerous people that this confidence is part of what is making me look good these days. The way I now carry myself, the way I walk, the way I dress and fix my hair and make-up, how I truly seem to care for my appearance, how you can see that I've put in some work to make myself look good is what makes me more attractive. However, I know from experience, many many years of experience, that its very difficult to achieve this when you don't feel like the best version of yourself. Its hard to want to put in the effort when you don't like the outcome either way. But ya know what? If you do it anyway, I promise you'll feel better. Fix yourself up, do you hair, put on a cute outfit, just do something. People are more likely to find you approachable when you seem put-together. As much as it stinks, appearance is a big deal in our society and looking good can get you ahead in so many aspects of life. Sometimes its like playing a part.

Like I said, if you don't like the way you look because of your weight, do something about it. If you don't like how it makes you feel, change it. Don't sit there and feel sorry for yourself because you don't feel good about how you look, change it! Better yourself for yourself. Don't do it for anyone but you. I've said before that I did it for completely superficial reasons in the beginning, but as I've grown through this process and adopted so many changes, I realized that the changes I've embraced have affected every single aspect of my life. So, even if you're not feeling it, do it anyway. I can't emphasize that enough. People are attracted to people who take care of themselves. If you let yourself go, others will write you off as well. I hate it, but its just the way the world is. You're not going to attract the kind of guys you're attracted to. That's what I've found. I know, shallow, but true. I settled. Everytime. When I was bigger, I dated what I could get (I did actually like some of them, but obviously it wasn't right because I'm definitely still quite single ;) I dated anyone who showed interest in me because I didn't feel that I could do any better. I've now found that I can be picky, I can choose to pass up a guy just because he's interested. I've learned how to differentiate real affection and that feeling of "well, he's into me, so I guess I'll go for it." No, I don't have to settle anymore.

Eating right can change the way you feel about yourself as well. Right now, I feel horrible about the way I look because I know how I ate this weekend. I know that I don't actually look any different than I did last week, but just knowing what I did to my body over the past few days changed the way I feel about myself. When you eat crap, you feel like crap. I still feel gross as I'm getting rid of what I consumed, but the healthier I eat, the better I feel. When I used to eat that way all the time, I felt gross all the time. When I eat well, I feel well. Everything is correlated. Everything you do with your body is connected. You are the effort you put in.

So. Go shopping, buy yourself a new outfit, put on some pretty make-up, curl your hair, straighten your hair, do something to your hair. Paint your nails. Do something to make yourself feel better. Treat yourself. Its ok to focus on you sometimes. Hold your head up when you walk, stand tall, don't slouch, wear clothes that fit. Don't dress the body you want, dress the body you have. Clothes that are too small just make you look bigger. Wearing clothes that are too big make you look frumpy. Wear clothes that flatter and you will feel great. Focus on how you want to be perceived by others.

Eat correctly, exercise, smile. Just smiling can go a long way. It can brighten someone's darkest day and in turn make you feel good yourself. When you care about yourself, others notice. People will see your confidence when you let them. I promise that, even if you don't think so, you're beautiful. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will learn what you're capable of and what you want to do with yourself. Even though you may not feel great yet, you can help the process along in little ways by taking care of outward appearance. This in turn will also help you to keep working on your inner self. If you're working on losing weight and getting healthy, keeping up the way you look throughout the process will help build your confidence all along the way. When I finally changed myself, what really happened is that I found myself. The real me finally found a way out and others have noticed her. You can do the same, you just have to put in a little work. :)