"Life grants nothing to us mortals without hard work." -Horace

I am sore today. I'm sore and I'm happy to be. Why, you ask? Because it is a physical reminder that I'm working again. It is reminding me that I'm getting back on track and pushing myself again. I ran two miles last night and I could feel my energy and stamina building back up. That was a really great feeling! I'm planning to run between two and a half to three miles tonight. I just want to get back to where I was before I got sick. I know that it is going to take some time and patience, but I know that I can do it. I know that I want it badly enough to go and get it. Having friends and family tell me how proud they are of me is great motivation and makes me want to be good. It makes me want to better myself. I am a runner and I will get back into the swing of things, no matter how much I hate it sometimes.

I was thinking last night while I was running about why I can't seem to regain the focus that I had in the beginning. What I realized is that back then, I kept to my plan so diligently because there was a fear of the unknown. I didn't know what the effects were of straying from the plan. I didn't know if I would gain weight back easily or what would happen. I was so scared of not progressing that it kept me on track. This feeling of fear is what kept me stuck so hard on the plan. I wish so badly that I could go back to that time when I found it so easy to be good. I didn't cheat or stray from my calorie plan because I was afraid of what might happen, and I wish so badly that I could get that feeling back. Now that I know what happens and that it isn't the end of the world to eat something not on the plan, I do it too often. If I could just get that mindset back, I would have a much easier time of this. I wish I could regain that fear and be able to turn away from yummy foods that I don't need...I miss that feeling of success everytime I passed up the good stuff, that feeling of accomplishment every time that I completed a day of eating without giving in to temptation. I miss being able to say "I did well today".

I can do it to a certain extent at this point, but it will never be like it was then. I can live in the fear of gaining weight back, but knowing what I know now doesn't allow me to use this fear. I should be able to do it because of the knowledge I now have, but for some reason I think that it is making it more difficult for me. I am going to try my best to get this feeling back because I need to really kick my discipline back into high gear. I'm still having issues with sticking to my plans and resisting food when I'm not even hungry. The urge to eat constantly is a tricky feeling to overcome. I'm doing my best with it, but there's only so much I can take sometimes! I vowed yesterday to do better and, for the most part, I am. However, I'm still battling with myself every minute of the day to be good. Its a hard battle, but it is one that must be fought. I CAN do this. I CAN push past my own mindset and be a better example. I CAN get into the 140s! I'm still fighting to get to this new milestone and some days it seems as if I'll never get there, but I know that I CAN do it! I WILL do it!

Just thought I'd share my latest picture :)

 

 

 And last, here is one of my favoritest of favorite Fall meals:

 

 

 

Grilled Cheese with Tomato Soup:

-2 slices Publix Reduced calorie white bread= 80 calories

-3 slices Sargento Ultra-Thin sliced cheddar cheese= 135 calories

-1 bowl Campbell's Classic Tomato Soup (in the styrofoam microwave bowl) with a little dried basil sprinkled in = 200 calories

 

Entire Meal = 415 calories! Wonderful, warm Autumn dinner :)