“Do it badly; do it slowly; do it fearfully; do it any way you have to, but do it.” -Steve Chandler

I am so proud of myself. I finally did well again yesterday. Not perfect, but better. I stuck to my plan pretty closely and I needed that. I'm going out of town until Saturday and I feel better about leaving the comfort of my own kitchen and winging in out in the world for a few days. There's honestly a sense of freedom in doing this from time to time because I don't feel shackled down to my calorie counting app. There's also a sense of fear, that same sense of fear I once I had that I discussed yesterday. Its a 'scared' that makes me want to be super careful about how much and what I eat. Its that same 'scared' that keeps in line. I'm ready! I am mentally ready to battle the rest of this week and weekend! I'm excited to go stay with my sister and see old friends, and I'm excited to get out of Birmingham for a few days. Sometimes it just takes a few days away to get yourself back in order. 

About that exercise. I did it! I said I would do at least 2.5 miles last night and I did. Me and Mom went for a walk first, so in all, running and walking, I actually did about 3.5, but only running 2.5 of it. I feel good about it. I could feel that I was definitely pushing, but I could also feel the slightest hint of runner's high creeping in. I can't wait to get back to my normal pace and my normal distance, but until then, I'm going to take it easy and do what I can. I'm most definitely going to go for a run before I leave today. And do you know why? Not only because I'm not going to be able to do it tonight, and probably not again until Sunday, but because I'm going to be enjoying the amazing, wonderful, ridiculous Pumpkin Spice Doughnut from Krispy Kreme this afternoon....I. cannot. wait. I've been planning for it all week and I have prepared my day around the event, and I have been drooling to myself all week. I can't wait to indulge, I can't wait to eat something decadent and not feel guilty about it. Because I've planned so carefully for it, there will be no guilt or remorse. I'm going to savor every single bite, every last crumb. 

So, I know I've written a post about perspective before, but I need to re-touch on that. I sometimes lose sight of what I've done. I forget about my accomplishment in favor of focusing on what I still have left to do. At this point, because I've been stuck on the same weight for a while, I look in the mirror and feel gross. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I tend to grow complacent in how I look when there aren't many changes in the recent past. I feel that nothing is happening, therefore I focus on that instead of the fact that I've gotten where I am. I was thinking to myself earlier "I've lost 64 pounds." "I'VE LOST 64 POUNDS!!!!" I had to sit and focus on that for a second. I forget about how amazing that is, how big of an accomplishment that is. I think I have yet to really let that sink in. I don't know why it seems to be so hard for me to just let it affect me, but it is. I've lost 64 pounds, I've gone from a size 14-16 to a size 8. That's crazy! That is absolutely ridiculous! I still can't believe it! Even as I'm replacing my wardrobe of larges and extra larges with smalls, I can't seem to realize what a feat it is. Maybe it's still FatRachel whispering in my ear, reminding me of all the work I still have left, but at least for today, I'm going to let myself reflect on the fact that I'm in a better place mentally and physically than I have been my entire life. What I've accomplished, only so many people in the world can say they've done the same. When I think about the fact that I'm now one of those people that can say "I used to be fat", I kind of want to just cry (tears of joy, of course). I can't believe what I've done, but at the same time I can because I'm living it. I'm now an example to so many, an inspiration, a motivator. As great as that feeling is, it is also a little daunting. I feel like I have such a responsibility now, but as I take that on, I know its only helping me to keep doing what I'm doing. It keeps me on track.

I know this post was mostly for my benefit, using it as a journal again, so before I go, I'd like to leave you with the recipe of the amazing, mouth-watering, ridiculously yummy gourmet, grown-up grilled cheese sandwich I had for lunch yesterday:

                                                      Basil Pesto Grilled Cheese 

-2 slices Publix Reduced calorie white bread (80 calories)
-handful of spinach leaves (about 5 calories)
-1 wedge Laughing Cow light creamy swiss cheese (35 calories)
-1/2 tbsp Basil Pesto. I use Buitoni Pesto with Basil. (35 calories)
-3 slices Sargento Ultra-thin Provolone cheese (or swiss, doesn't matter) (120 calories)
-Entire sandwich = 280 calories

-In a pan, drizzle a little olive oil and place spinach in. Cook until leaves are wilted.
-Mash together the cheese wedge and pesto until well-combined.
-Spread mixture on one side of a slice of bread. Place spinach on top, place the rest of the cheese on top. Place other slice of bread on.  (of course, I use the squirt bottle version of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" to butter up the outside surfaces of the sandwich before grilling.)
-Proceed to cook like any old grilled cheese sandwich. Except this is not just any old grilled cheese sandwich. This is heavenly. 

And last, a couple more new pictures of me :)

Anytime I'm having a good hair day, I feel the need to document it, so here:

I just liked this outfit, so I documented it as well (and yes, that is a dressing room at Target. I already had that outfit on, its mine,  I just wanted to take a picture of it because I don't have a good full-length mirror :)