Now, down to business. I've proven to myself now that I can control my eating habits and still have fun. I talked to you yesterday about how my weekend was, but now I want to talk about why I'm so proud of it. I have been weak too many times on weekends and especially weekends out of town. I don't completely disregard the diet at any time, but its so very easy to forget about the goal in the heat of a moment. Its so easy to give in to temptation when something so yummy is staring you down, asking to be eaten. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a food addict. I love food, I love the act of eating food, I love the taste of food, I love the way that food feels. I love everything about it. I hate that about myself, but because I know I can control it, I have come to terms with it and accepted the fact that I'm going to have to battle it for the rest of my life.
Having a weekend like this one was something that I sorely needed. I needed to prove to myself that I am still strong and can contain my love of food. I needed to have fun and I needed to be with friends, and I did all of it while keeping myself in check. I could have easily ordered terrible things in restaurants, I could have eaten so much bread and sandwiches, I could have had desserts, I could have had countless bowls of cereal at my sister's apartment where I stayed. But I didn't. I could have, but I didn't. From this point on, anytime I'm feeling a moment of weakness, I can look back on this particular weekend and remind myself of how amazing it felt to come home, step on the scale, and not feel overwhelming guilt and frustration. I can think back and know that I can do it. I have done it. I'll do it again.
I can't begin to express how amazing this feeling is. Its not just about the food, its about feeling successful. Everytime I win a small battle like this, I'm reminded that I have to take it one fight at a time. I have to pace myself and realize that this is still difficult and will continue to be. I have to remember that I can only take it one day at a time. Yes, I do plan ahead with my meals and such, but you can only plan so far. Sometimes things come up and you have to change the plan. Sometimes that's for the best. When I have to change my plans, it gets me thinking more intensely about what I have to do. There is no mindless eating when I'm thrown off the plan. I do love a routine, and I love having my day's food already picked out, but I also love hanging out with friends. I love getting out of my house and seeing beautiful Fall days like yesterday. I love being spontaneous. Before, I was never one for spontaneity. If, in my mind, I'd told myself that I'm not doing anything today, that was the way it was gonna be. There was no changing my mind. If I had planned to sit around and be lazy, nothing and no one could force me out of my bed. Today, I was having one of those days, but BooBear called me and asked me to join her at the Botanical Gardens to take pictures. At first, I was reluctant, but after thinking for a minute, I decided that my time would be better spent outdoors rather than in my dark, comfy room. It helps that I found out I didn't have to work today, so I had another chance to be lazy, but still...I got out of bed, got dressed up, and had a great time on this little photoshoot. Of course, that was mostly due to the great company :)
I still can't believe that I can look back on my life and see how different I am and how happy I am. I never dreamed that I could be this happy. I was, unfortunately, formerly one of those girls who thought that happiness depended on being in love or finding the right guy, but now I can see that my life is absolutely wonderful and that I am so incredibly fortunate to be where I am, blessed to have all of the amazing people I love who love me, and blessed to have God leading me down the path that I should have always been on. It just took me too long to realize how wonderful my life is and that His plan unfolds precisely as he designed it. I've taken too many things for granted for far too long and, now that I can visualize what's in front of me, I can see that I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I have nothing to bring me down. I am the only barrier in my life, and now that I know how to burst through the wall and have learned how to let that guard fall when I need to, I can see that I'm a strong young woman who is happy to be alive and happy to continue leading the life I want to lead it. I'm not the one in control, and, the older that I get, the more I realize that I'm not the one running the show. I can make decisions and choices, but no matter what, He is the one leading me. He is the one who is sending me where I'm going.
I enjoy writing this blog so much, and I am thrilled to be able to share with the world a piece of myself. In my next post, I'm going to do a play-by-play "day in the life" entry. This post will not be just a list of the things I eat that day, it will be a play-by-play of the thoughts I have in regards to food and eating. I want to show you just how addicted to food I am. You'll see how much I think about it, how much I focus on it, and how much if affects me. Warning: it may surprise you.
And Coming soon, I'm going to have my Mommy write a guest post so that all of you can experience the words of wisdom that I am blessed to hear on a daily basis. She's an amazing woman and has several more years of experience with the weight-loss journey than I do, and I can't wait for you to read what she has to say about it to you guys :)
One last thing: Its gettin' chilly out, want to drink some delicious hot cocoa without all the calories?
In a small pot, combine 1 cup Silk Original Unsweetened Almond Milk, 1/2 a tbsp Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate powder, and sugar substitute. Stir on medium heat until all is melted and blended. Do not bring to a boil, just to steamed, heated through. 35 calories :) Ya welcome.
I enjoyed some last night in a precious punkin' mug before the game started:
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