"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." -Aristotle Onassis

Focus. Determination. Discipline. These three words are used frequently in my posts and in questions from my readers. 'How do you keep such focus?' 'How do you stay so dedicated?' 'How do you keep steady in your discipline?' I am asked these questions a lot. And truthfully, I don't know how to answer them. There is no easy way to explain why or how I've done what I've done. There is no way to explain to someone else why I am able to maintain these things. I cannot put it into words. The only thing that I can explain to someone else is that you have to want it badly enough. You have to be the one who decides whether or not you're going to change yourself and your life. I can't do that for you. And that's all there is to it. A lot of people ask for my advice on this subject and I often have a hard time finding the words to say to these friends. It is not something that is easily given and often I feel that I'm inadequate in my efforts to explain to them the best possible answer. So, this is what I'm going to give you today:

If you're wanting to change the way you live and the way you eat, you and only you can figure out the best way to go about it. Every person is unique and finds focus and discipline in different places and in different ways. I really and truly cannot explain to anyone how I found mine because I'm honestly still a little baffled with it myself. After almost nine months of doing this and losing 64 pounds, I'm still a little amazed at the fact that I've done this. I've gotten used to the comments from people about how I look and the compliments, but when someone says something to me, it is almost like an out-of-body experience. Its as if I'm hearing these compliments and expecting them to be directed at someone else. I used to think that doing something like this was impossible. I had grown content with the fact that I was overweight, lazy, and unhappy. I, being of the melancholic nature, just accepted the fact that I was how I was. And a true melancholic hopes without hope that unhappiness is permanent (as depressing as that is..).

When I finally woke up and realized how I actually looked, I decided it was time. I decided to be done with being depressed and unhappy. I decided it was time to be me. The way I once was wasn't me, the real me has very recently come to light and the happiness followed suit. I suppose looking at pictures and seeing myself, being rejected constantly by guys, not being able to attract the sort of guy I'm attracted to, etc..is what truly kicked me into this state of determination. I freely admit that deciding to do this rested solely on the fact that I just wanted to look better and be more attractive. My intentions were purely superficial, but the blessings and gifts that changing myself has given me far outweigh the fact that I simply look better.

I think that what I'm trying to say to you is that you need to find a reason. You need to find something to motivate you to do this. Whether it is just wanting to look better, wanting to fit into a smaller size, wanting to be healthy, wanting to look good for an event, or just wanting to make a change, you have to find something to motivate you. You have to focus on what you want and go get it. I wanted to feel good about myself and how I look and I used that motivation to focus myself and to push myself to become who I really am. I used those feelings of rejection, the feeling of not being able to fit into the clothes I wanted to wear, not being able to find happiness in looking at a picture of myself, wanting to feel good about seeing other people, I just wanted all-around happiness. For the most part I've acheived my goals. I still have a ways to go with the actual weight-loss (around 17 more pounds), but I've already arrived in finding the real Rachel. I know I talk about these changes a lot, and I've tried so hard to explain the whole 'where I get my focus' subject, but I just can't seem to put it into words. 

I still find motivation in looking at pictures of myself; not by looking at the old pictures, but by looking at recent pictures. In these pictures, I find pride and self-worth. I find that I am finally, actually pleased with how I look. Feeling this way makes me want to push further and harder to the end. The new me has become my new motivation. I am my best form of focus and I am the only person who can push Rachel to finish this process. I do like the way I look right now, and some people have told me that I could stop now and be just fine. I, however, do not see it that way. I set a goal and I'm determined to reach it. I want to finish what I started, which is a new concept for me. I've always been a quitter when things get too hard, but in this I have found a new perspective. I will do this.

I'm going to be honest here with you again. I have lost a lot of my focus and discipline and I'm in the process of regaining it. I haven't eaten as well as I should, jogging is a chore, and I'm just plain tired of this. BUT I will not give in to these feelings. I am declaring here and now that I am getting back on track and am going to focus strongly on what I need to do. This week will be better than the last because I'm saying so. I pledge to myself and to you that I will be better. Starting NOW.

I hope that this post has helped shed even the smallest ray of light onto the subject, but I know that I can't truly form the words and sentences to express it to you. I apologize for this, and I truly wish I could be of more help in that department, but I've done the best I can and I hope it has helped in any way. You can do this. You can find your focus, you just have to look for it.