When I'm out with people, I have no problem making the right choices because I feel like I'm being watched a lot of the time. This is because almost everyone that I know is aware of what I've been doing. It is when I'm alone that I slip up. What my mom told me really helped to put things into perspective; I am in control. I have the power to tell myself no. I have the power to change my thoughts and not let food consume me. I have to let myself think that you are all in the room with me at all times. I have to imagine that, through this blog, I'm still being watched. I have to picture the room as if it were full of people I know. I need to imagine that the people I've given advice to are standing next to me in the kitchen, watching my every move, judging my every bite, hearing all of my thoughts about food.
If I can do this, I can finish. So far today, I'm doing a great job with this. I forgot one of my meals in the freezer, so I had to improvise here. I had yogurt and a chewy granola bar. While that is not as filling as what I had planned, it was really good and it was quite nice to have something different! I'm so used to eating the same things at this point and being forced out of the rut helped kind of boost my day :) I've grown too complacent in my meals, too stuck. I need to branch out again like I've done before. I've talked to you before about the need to change up your diet and trick your system, but it has been way too long since I've done that myself. I think this is the time for that once again.
I told Mom that I've felt out of control over the past couple of days, as if someone else were inside of my body controlling my every move. I did so very well the two weeks before that and then I almost completely wrecked it. She simply reminded me that I am in control and that I can make the right decisions. She reminded me that I'm the one making the bad decisions. I needed to hear that very badly. I needed a bit of a slap in the face to get myself back on the right track. I am in control of my actions and my thoughts. There are no excuses, no exceptions, just me. I have more willpower than the last two days would suggest, and I know for a fact that I can do this. I've been doing it for almost a year, and I am fully aware that I'm strong enough.
This post was just kind of a venting session for me. I just need to see my thoughts or feelings in writing from time to time to really remind myself of what's going on. And now....another cup of coffee...So very tired today.
But first, here are a couple of my most recent photos and, honestly, looking at them makes me feel good :)
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