"I may not have gone where I intended to go..."

"...but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."

I was reading a friend's Facebook status a couple of minutes ago, and he was talking about how he took a step back and observed how different his life has turned out. He expected to go down one path and ended up on one that was so completely different than he had planned. But out of this, he's landed where he knows he is supposed to be. This got me thinking about my own life and how differently it has turned out than I had planned. I had the basic Alabama girl plan: go to college, meet my husband, get my degree in four years, get a job, get married, and start a family. I know, so generic. But when I was younger, before I had gotten any life experience, this is what I thought I was supposed to do. I thought that I wanted the cookie cutter life, but even then, I knew deep down that it wasn't what I truly wanted, but I thought that it was my only choice. I was one to settle in every way. I didn't want to get out of my comfort zone, I didn't want to draw attention to myself, I just wanted to be normal. After doing what I've done, I've come to realize that I am nothing even remotely close to resembling "normal". I embrace my uniqueness, I embrace my "me-ness", I embrace the fact that I am my own person and I don't want to be lost among the crowd anymore.

I am on a path so far from the original path now that I can't even see that other path anymore. I am on a path on a different planet from that one. I'm 23, I'm not done with school, I don't have a degree, I'm nowhere even remotely close to being married (being perpetually single will do that..), and I'm so far from ready for kids. I may be on a different path, but I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. He already knew I was going to be here, He designed it this way. Sometimes I wish I knew more clearly where I'm going, but trusting that it will happen when and how it is supposed to is what I have. I am still going to finish school, I'm going to get married and start a family (someday), and I'm going to continue living the life that I want to live. I don't want cookie cutter. I don't want the suburbia, soccer mom, subdivision house, driving a mini-van kind of life. I want to live in a way that satisfies my need for travel, for discovery, for excitment. That's not to say I won't settle down and live a stable life, I'm saying that my idea of a stable life with a family doesn't have to be what everyone else thinks it is. That may sound selfish, but in order to live a happy life with others, you must first be happy with yourself. If you go into a situation already unsatisfied, you're probably going to continue in that feeling. So why not do something for yourself first? I have to work on me before I can effectively live happily with a family.

After yesterday's post, a friend sent me some information about a program that sends volunteers to different countries to help in various ways. I looked into this program and into other similar programs and what I discovered was that my yearning to travel is even stronger than I had originally realized. I'm doing my research and I'm getting more info about some of these programs and I'm going to try my hardest to get to a place in my life where I am able to participate in such a program. I want to travel and if helping other people is how I go about that, then I am all in. I never thought that I would be so excited to help others in need because I used to be pretty self-centered (self-loathing is actually more acurate). I had never caught that whole "I want to do good in the world" bug. I never had the urge to help other people. It was all about "how can I help myself?" Spending time doing for others what He asks us to do is what I'm after at this point. And doing so in a foreign country just sounds like the ideal situation, if ya ask me.

Alright, back to what this post was originally about. I am so very grateful to be where I am right now. I'm so happy to have found out that I want a different life. I never thought that where I am now is where I would be at this point. I realized early on in my college career that I didn't like school. Not just that I didn't like school, but that I was too lazy for it. Now that I've changed so much, I feel that I can go back and finish. However, if the opportunity were to arise for me to travel first, I will most definitely do it. I'm aware that I need to finish school. I know that I'm going to, but in this journey of self-discovery that I'm on, I know that I need to continue what I'm doing and keep learning about myself and about the world in general. I have so little life experience compared to many other people, and I want nothing more than to get out there and learn. I want to learn about other cultures, I want to be a part of other cultures, I want to be a part of something bigger than myself.

Volunteer work. That once sounded like punishment to my ears. Not anymore. Now I have a hunger for it, I have a desire for it, I have an ache for it. I have an ache to see other places, I have an ache to meet new people, an ache to make a difference. Some of the work may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but no help is gone unnoticed, even if only noticed by the people it directly affects. If those people are helped in any way, then that work was 100% worth it. Yes, I know there are many things I could do right here in my city, but I want to get out of my city. I want to get out of my comfort zone and be on the move. I want to see what's out there.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." -Douglas Adams

That just could not be more true. I am where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I may not see the reason for it at the moment, but I am content to know that everything is as it should be.