Alright, so today, as I'm sitting in this house I work in, I am faced with the task of having to resist all of the left over Halloween candy... AND cupcakes...I haven't had to be this strong in a while...I want a cupcake. I want a cupcake bad. BUT I will resist, I will sit here and enjoy my yummy coffee and egg beaters and cheese omelette. Later, I'll enjoy the heck out of some oatmeal. After that, I'll have a delicious frozen chocolate smoothie. I will eat only the foods that I brought with me. I will not ruin what I've done this week! I have finally gotten back down to my absolute lowest point as of this morning (even a couple of ounces under), and I would really, really love to get under that by the end of the week. I'm 100% sure that I can accomplish this. I'm not spending the weekend out of town like I have for the past two. I'm not doing anything really out of the ordinary, so there is no excuse (not that any of that was an excuse) for me to not do what I say I will do.
I'm not sleeping well, guys, but I think that I've figured out why. I honestly think that I've been stressing about my weight for the past couple of weeks. I think its that combined with the bad eating that took place during those weekends (especially that first one when I went crazy..). I think my body is no longer accustomed to unhealthy foods and over-eating at this point and is now retaliating for it. Anytime I go through something like this, I remember why I started this whole thing in the first place. I am reminded of how poorly I slept, how gross I felt, how miserable small daily activities were. I am reminded of how I once lived and the effects of that lifestyle. And now that I am recalling those things, I can more easily and readily continue on the good track once more. I can move forward, I can leave behind the old ways. Again.
In all honesty, it did feel nice to let go for just a little while. It felt freeing to not live so tediously for a bit. It felt good in the moment. BUT I let it continue for too long. I let it become the norm for longer than I should have, and I got comfortable doing it. Now that I've done well again, it is so much easier for me to keep going in the right direction. I've said it before and I'll say it again: positive results are my greatest motivators. Seeing good numbers on the scale makes me want to push. Also, seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time and seeing their reaction to how I look. ..That. That is a good motivator. It gets really easy to become complacent in how I see myself. Sometimes I forget that I've shaved off 5 jean sizes and I don't always see what others see when I look in the mirror. So, when I am reminded of this from others, I am motivated again.
It may sound vain, but it never gets old to receive these compliments from others. Its not just a validation of my self-image, its a validation of my hard work. Its a reminder for myself of what I've accomplished. Its easy for me to lose sight of everything I've done and just focus on what I have left, to just focus on the number of pounds I still want to lose, so the kind words tend to bring me back down to Earth. Its easy for me to let 64 just be a number. I've lost 64 pounds. I tell people all the time because I'm asked all. the. time. Its just a number that rolls off of my tongue. I forget how big that number actually is. I am so ready for that number to change...I've been saying it for far too long.... I appreciate every compliment that I receive and I'm so proud to tell people how much weight I've lost when I'm asked. Because of all of this, I can push myself further. I can take these words and think of them everytime I think I'm going to eat something bad or if I try to come up with an excuse not to exercise. Every bit helps me. YOU help me. I've been told that I'm helping others, and that's absolutely wonderful. But I never dreamed that I could be this person to others. I truly believe that this blog is helping me more than anyone. Putting my thoughts down in words helps me to see the bigger picture and if that happens to benefit others in the process, then I'm satisfied with what I'm doing. :)
We had a fun Halloween!
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