"...Then I ask myself the same question..."

"I always wonder why birds always stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the Earth. Then I ask myself the same question." -Harun Yahya

I ran across this yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I've fallen into a rut. Not a rut in the sense that I, as a person, am not moving forward emotionally, but physically and somewhat mentally. I feel that I've become too complacent in this life I'm leading at the moment. I am so incredibly grateful to have a family who loves me, friends who are there for me, a house, a job, a car, etc..But sometimes I still feel that its not enough anymore. I've added many new friends in my life in the last few months, and I love them dearly. However, I feel that I've become too OK with where I am. I love my job. I love these kids, but I know for a fact that this is not what I'm going to be doing forever. I am going back to school soon and I'm going to continue striving toward my goals, but right now, before its actually beginning to happen, I feel stuck.

I want to travel so badly it hurts. I want to see anything and everything I can. If I had the money, I would absolutely be somewhere else right now. I want to take more risks, I want to be more adventurous, I want to be more spontaneous. My personality, up until this point, would have suggested otherwise, but since finding out so much about myself, I've learned that I'm actually a little less satisfied with my life than I had thought. I am absolutely in no way saying that I don't love my life or the people in it, I'm simply stating that I would love to experience more. I live in Birmingham, I visit Jacksonville, occasionally go to Tennessee, Georgia, or Kentucky for a football game here and there, but that's about all of the traveling I get. I got a small taste of it earlier this year when I spent a weekend in New Jersey, Philadelphia, New York, and DC with Dad while he was working up there. It was so wonderful to see and experience different parts of the country, and I'm so very glad that I was able to do that, but it was only 4 days. It just wasn't enough.

I want to get out of this rut. I can't wait to start classes again if only just to get something new into my routine. My life has become a little too routine, a little too predictable. I have random moments of spontaneity or excitement now and then, but nothing major happens. I love meeting new people, especially when these new people impact my life in some way. I want to meet even more new people. I've expanded my circle of friends a great deal recently and it has added a lot of excitement in my life. I've become friends with people I'd never even talked to that I had lived in the same town with for 4 years. I've learned to put myself out there more, I've learned to present myself in a way that suggests that I'm open to new things, open to new people.

I love my life. I love the people in my life. I'm grateful for my life. I almost feel guilty for wanting more, but I also feel that in some way I deserve more, that I deserve to experience new things. I want to find passion, not in the sense that most people think about that word. I mean that I want to find my real passion in life. I know that I love to sing, I know that I love to write, but I still feel that I haven't found my real niche. I have a list of things that I would love to do, but actually finding a way to do these things is going to take a lot of time, a lot of patience, and a lot of drive. I know I can accomplish these things, but I am also quite aware of how difficult and how much work it is going to take. 

I feel now, after this process, that I'm finally in a place where I can be strong enough and work hard enough to get what I really want. When you're in that position in life where you're comfortable within yourself, good stuff comes to you. When you're open and positive, you're emitting that out into the world, and the things that feel right start to happen. I truly believe this because I can feel it happening in my own life. I can feel that good things are starting to come to me simply because I've opened myself up to let these things happen. I'm in a place now where I can be me and continue to become the person I'd like to be.