Happiness Is A State Of Being, Not A Destination.

I was chatting with friend last night about all of this that's been going on in my life when I uttered the words "I don't know what I did to deserve all of this". That really got me thinking. What did I do to deserve this wonderful opportunity? This was basically handed to me, dropped in my lap, so easy. This never would have happened had I not decided to change myself a year ago. It was right around this time last year that I began to change the way I eat. By the end of January, I was down about 8 pounds, but it wasn't until February that I began to kick it into high gear. Since then, I've lost almost a third of my body weight, but what I've gained greatly overshadows this, in my opinion. 

Had I not gone through this change, I would not be doing this. I was too scared to try new things, scared of being noticed. I would have never even dreamed of putting myself out there in such a way. Joining the au pair website is one of the best decisions I've ever made! I tend to get too comfortable in one state and I become complacent. I tend to take the easy way of doing things. For example, I worked at the golf course for way longer than I should have and it was because I was too lazy to change it up. I was too comfortable with where I was and what I was doing. For some reason, it didn't occur to me that I didn't have to put up with it. I didn't have to be miserable! I quit that job right as I was beginning to change my diet. Looking back on it now, I realize that it was all connected. It's as if quitting that job gave me the courage to change other things, and boy am I glad that I did.

I was unemployed for quite some time, but because I'm blessed with these wonderful parents, I wasn't pressured to find another one immediately. Had I not gone through that period of unemployment, I'm not sure that I would have gone through such a dramatic lifestyle change. Being at home, eating the right things all day every day, and having the time to exercise daily are the things that allowed me to do what I did. I didn't have another job until I began working for that precious family I just left. I was with them from the beginning of April last year until about 2 weeks ago. Because I spent so much time focused on the weight loss, I was more easily able to keep it up outside of my own home. This job was also wonderful training as a nanny. I've been a babysitter for most of my life, but this job really prepared me for my new job. 

I feel as if everything I've done over the past year has prepared me for this new life. I was unwittingly gearing up for something I didn't even know about! But He sure did. He knew what was going on because He's the one who planned it. He knew what I needed to do and He gave me the strength and willpower to do it. Because of everything I've been through and all of the struggles, I feel that I'm stronger now than I ever have been. I've gone from a shy little girl who couldn't even order her own food at restaurants, one who had anxiety attacks over school presentations, one who hid in her clothing, to someone who loves being with people, someone who thrives off of performing in front of others, someone who doesn't hide anymore, someone who is about to leave everything she knows for a brand new life 2,300 miles away from home.

I've never been away from my parents for more than probably about three weeks tops. This is going to be hard. This is going to be scary. But more importantly, this is going to be so good for me. I truly believe now, more than ever, that when you put positive energy into the world around you, the world gives back to you. Before my change, I always felt that the world was against me and that bad things only happened to me. And ya know what? I was right to an extent. Because of my negative attitude, the world gave back negativity. No one wants to be around a Negative Nancy except for other Debbie Downers. Wipe off that boo boo kitty face. If you want a drama-free, more positive atmosphere around you, change your own attitude first. Start with yourself, others will follow. Trust me. Now that I worry less, smile more, and live my life I have received many good things, including this opportunity. Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a state of being. For too long, I was searching for happiness and trying to get to a certain place, but I didn't realize that I could be happy anytime I wanted to be. All I had to do was choose to see the good things around me. Learn it, embrace it, now live it.