Habit is what keeps you going. Keep repeating that.

Yesterday afternoon was the first time that I struggled through my run since I started back. I don't know what it was that made me feel so exhausted, but I felt really out of it throughout the whole thing. My side hurt for the first time since starting back, I was out of breath, I felt heavy....it was just not ideal...But, just having done it made me feel good. I had to convince myself to get out there and do it in the first place, but, as always, I'm glad that I did. I've missed the effects of staying active. I'm sleeping better again, I've regained a lot of my energy, my mood is still on the up and up, I just feel better all-around.

I wish that I could say that the struggle is only with running, but it's not. I'm struggling with my eating habits, as well. I find myself snacking on little things in between my scheduled meals/snacks and not really thinking too much about it. It's hard to break a habit once you're in it, and unfortunately, it's much easier to slip back into the bad ones than stick with the good ones. Habit is what keeps you going. I have to constantly remind myself of this and work as hard as I can to stick with it. If you've ever tried to break habits and incorporate new ones, you know how difficult this can be. I have to get back to giving myself no choice. I have to view all of this as life and death, as if eating something bad is literally going to kill me! That's how I thought throughout the beginning and obviously that worked. But, like I've said before, that was fear of the unknown, being scared of slipping backwards. After too many slip-ups, I learned that it wasn't going to kill me or even reverse my progress, but it definitely halts it.

Before I move, I feel that I need to get myself completely back on track. If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll get to Benicia and fall back out of the habit. Also, one of the things that Adele would like me to help with is getting the kids to eat more healthy by eliminating the junk foods and incorporating more healthy choices. Did I mention how ideal this job is? I'm so excited to get the chance to share my newfound knowledge and my experience with someone first hand, to help someone directly. I've been told I've helped people through this blog, but to actually get to help someone on a daily basis and in person is super exciting to me. This, in turn, will help me to keep myself on track and stay focused on my own eating habits. I don't claim to be an expert by any means, but I can share what I do know and help to keep the bad stuff out of the house and out of little tummies.

If I'm doing well before I leave, I can more readily continue on the right path instead of trying to "get back to it". I feel good about getting back in the running habit, as painful and dreadful as it may be some days. What I need to concentrate more on now is what I'm eating and sticking to my daily plans. I have found that when I'm doing well with one, the other tends to follow suit. Now, if I can just get them synched, I'll be good to go. When I weigh, I sometimes feel like kicking myself. Thoughts like "if I had just not eaten that" or "if I had cut my portion a little on this" flood my mind. But I can't live like that. No one should live like that. Thinking about 'what if' and 'I should've' can take over and ruin you. So, don't dwell on yesterday. Just concentrate on today and what you need to do. This is a piece of advice that I find hard to follow myself, but am working on it. I just have to keep repeating it to myself.