And So The Countdown Begins

Today is a bittersweet day. This is my last day with these precious kids; Addie and Mayer. I've been with them since the beginning of last April, which means that I've been with Addie for more than half of her life. I've grown pretty attached, especially to Addie, and I can't believe I won't be seeing them anymore...However, I'm ready to move on and leave this era of my life behind. I will be sad to leave them at the end of today, but I know that it's what I'm supposed to do. I wouldn't  have minded staying a little longer before I leave, but I'm grateful that I will have plenty of free time to get my stuff together and see everyone I need to say goodbye to.

There are some things that I won't miss, though. I won't miss changing diapers. I won't miss having to prepare all of my food the night before. I won't miss being tempted by junk food. I won't miss inconsistent scheduling and being paid by the day instead of salary. I won't miss not being able to go anywhere or do anything during the day. But the things that I will miss greatly outweigh the things that I won't. Addie is such a precious baby and I love that kid. I'll miss walking into her room after I hear her making noises and seeing that beautiful smile through the slats of her crib. I'll miss playing with her and making her laugh. I'll miss watching her make a mess with her lunch. I'll miss Mayer's laugh and his sweet disposition. As much as that kid made me crazy sometimes, he is one of the most caring and kind children I've ever met. I really will miss this family. I mean, I've seen them 4 days a week, almost every week, for 9 months. It still hasn't settled in my brain that today is it. I'm saying goodbye to them in a few hours. Certainly bitterweet.

In other news, I now have an official departure date: I will be leaving on Wednesday, February 20th! So, the countdown begins: 41 days! That's not a terribly long time from now...Everytime I say aloud "I'm moving to California", I feel like I'm outside of my own body and I'm hearing someone else say it. It's just...surreal. Like I said yesterday, I'm doing my best to remain on the right path with eating and running, but it's not easy these days. I just have so much on my mind with this move and everything that has to go into it. I'm thinking a lot about the people and all of the familiar things that I'll be leaving behind. It's hard to concentrate on food and running, and both are being affected. Last night's run was another struggle. I couldn't even get all the way through one mile. Ugh. I think I may have pulled a muscle in one of my calves and that really makes for an unpleasant run. I'd love to say that I powered through it, but I didn't. I gave up and I turned around. Tragic.

I guess I'm just feeling a little down today because of my non-success this week coupled with the whole goodbye today. I had such good intentions going into it and I feel that I let myself down. I've struggled with food, running, just everything. I know it will get better because I have the power to make it better. I don't have to let this keep me down, I just have to do what I've always done and pick myself back up. I have to eat right, keep running, and keep my chin up :) Just because I'm not feeling cheery 100% of the time doesn't mean that I have to let the gloominess take over. I can reverse that gloom, despite these gray skies, and keep a smile on my face :)