"...when we learn to let go of yesterday."

You know what's making me feel really awesome lately? The fact that I could be a completely different person out here if I wanted to be, but I'm not. I'm still me, but it's the newer version and there's no baggage following me around. When I meet people here, they don't know about my former fat and sadder life. They don't know that I was once a wallflower. They don't know that I was a completely different person one year ago. I don't have to explain it if I don't want to and it's a feeling that I've never experienced before. I don't have a million thoughts running through my head when a guy talks to me, such as "I bet he's only talking to me now because I'm smaller. He never paid any attention to me when I was heavier." That doesn't exist here. I don't get asked all of the time how I lost all the weight, how much weight did I lose, etc. and I LOVE it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind explaining that, but I'm only the new "me" here and I don't have to keep revisiting that part of me. There is no former "me" here. I feel that I can finally truly move on from "her". I feel more free in this life than I ever have in my entire existence. I no longer feel tethered to "her". Even after going through all of those changes throughout the past year, I never truly felt separated from "her". 

Since moving and meeting new people, I feel that I have actually settled into my current state of mind. I have cut ties with OldRachel. I've said it before, but I truly feel less out of place out here than I did at home. I don't know what that means, but I know that it's a good thing. Of course Birmingham is my home and it's where my family is, but I feel that making this huge change has helped me prove to myself that I've actually grown up, that I'm no longer a child. Good thing, too, because I definitely just turned 24 years old. I didn't feel like an adult until I did this. Yes, I was working, paying bills, taking control of my life, but now I feel that I've truly gone out on a limb and come into my own. I'm really happy that all of this involved providing help to someone as great as Adele and becoming a part of a new family. 

I have felt better about myself over the past 3 days than I have in a couple of months. I've been making better choices again, counting again, and exercising again. My skin is finally healing and clearing up now that it's gotten rid of all of the toxins from junk that I've eaten for so long. Last night, I went out to dinner and wanted to order a burger so, so badly. However, I thought about it and got this amazing salad instead. It had chicken, apples, walnuts, dried fruit, and a delicious house dressing. I was happy with my decision because I felt so satisfied and not weighed down like I would have with the burger or some other sandwich. The more I feel good about myself, the more I want to keep feeling good about myself! It's basically the best cycle ever. I also have a really close friend who is doing so incredibly well on her journey to better health and seeing her success has made me want to keep pushing as well. So thanks, Kacie:)

In short, I'm loving life out here. I'm enjoying experiencing new things. I'm enjoying being able to experience these things with someone. Trust me, it makes it all 10x more awesome. I'm enjoying growing as a person here. I'm enjoying learning even more about myself, about the world, and about myself within this world. It's a strange feeling knowing that I'm so far away from home, but I'm not scared. I'm not sad. I'm not weirded out by it all. I'm taking in every new experience as if it's the last thing I'll do. Every time I drive across one of the amazing bridges and look over to see a gorgeous sunset, or sailboats floating by on the beautiful bay water, or just taking in the view of the mountains around me, I'm really seeing it. I'm breathing in this life. I'm absorbing it all and not taking any of it for granted. I know this will wear off a little eventually, but for now I'm just soaking in every single aspect of this life. And ya know what? I've only been here for less than a month. I still have so much to do and see :)