Reversing My Failures

I jumped back into weight-loss with full force today. I've counted my calories, strayed only a couple of times but with very minimal damage, and did a full 30 minute workout on the elliptical plus toning. Also, the foods I have chosen today have been healthy, light, and yummy. I feel very good today, I feel like myself again, and I am exhausted. I've missed this particular type of exhaustion because it's just the best kind. It's the kind you can only get from a good workout. The kind you get from not being lazy. The kind that makes you feel tired and energetic at the same time. The kind that makes you want to keep going. Up until today, any exercise I've done since moving has been half-hearted, unenergized, unenthused, and honestly, almost not even worth it because what I was eating was kind of canceling it out. I feel better today than I have in months!

This gets me motivated. I haven't even seen results yet, but simply experiencing myself push through a tough workout was a positive result in itself. Also, talking to Mom last night, who is doing well with her journey, helped remind me that I CAN do this. That I WILL do this. She reminded me that I know how to do this. She reminded me that I'm better than what I've been doing. I'm better than the 'me' I've been for the past few months. The truth is I've gained back about 7 pounds and it's starting to show. All of my clothes still fit just fine, but I don't feel confident wearing them. Going from feeling amazing in my skinny jeans to feeling fat again is not what I want and It's not what I need. I need to feel good again, and until I really get myself going again, I'm not going to feel that. I think up until today, what I was doing was reminiscent of my days of "dieting" rather than changing my lifestyle. It didn't work then so why did I think it would make a difference now?! I'm finally getting back into the right mindset and today was a good jumping off point.

I'm trying my absolute best to keep you guys updated with the truth, but lately the truth is something that I've been embarrassed about. I hate having to admit to anyone that I'm failing, but I promised a long time ago that I would always be honest and candid in my writing and I'm not going to change that now. The good thing about failure is that a lot of the time it teaches you a lesson and sometimes it can be reversed or corrected. In my case, I plan to reverse it. You may not see me as a failure, but gaining anything back is a big fat "F" in my grade book. But, like I said, I WILL reverse this. I WILL put in the work. I WILL get back to the real me. This chick that I've been is NOT the one who worked so hard to get what she wanted. Like Mom said, I'm the kind of person who, when she wants something bad enough, will do anything to get it. I miss that chick, but she's finally, FINALLY making a comeback :)