Organically Speaking.

As you can imagine, I get asked a lot of questions. I've recently noticed that one of the questions I'm asked the most frequently is "How do you feel about frozen dinners?" This includes Lean Cuisine, Smart Choice, Healthy Choice, SouthBeach, basically anything that is prepackaged (not limited to frozen foods), processed, and/or frozen. Honestly, I'm not a fan. The more I read about the harmful effects of prepackaged food, the more I realize how detrimental it is to our health. Yes, they're convenient. Yes, they're easy. Are they good for you? Not really. 

1. These meals are not filling. The calorie count may look good if you're trying to cut your daily intake, but these meals are only going to cause you to become hungry again sooner than if you were to consume a well thought out and balanced meal. Because you're not full, 9 times out of 10 you're going to end up grazing on other random foods throughout the day or worse, binge eating later on. Look at the nutrition table, the carb count is almost always through the roof. And I'm talking about the fast carbs, aka the bad carbs. The carbs in most fruits and veggies are the good, slow kind which will give you energy and will more readily fill you up with natural components.

2. In order to stay "fresh" in the box, these meals are heavily laden with preservatives. Some harmful effects of consuming preservatives and additives include: 
-higher chance of breathing difficulties such as shortness of breath (can worsen asthma symptoms)
-behavioral changes, particularly in children. Increases hyperactive behavior, jittery behavior, impairs ability to concentrate.
-weakens heart tissue which can lead to heart disease.
-preservatives have the ability to transform into carcinogens when digested. This means preservatives can cause cancer. Yes, cancer.

3. High levels of sodium. For example, one serving of Stouffer’s meat lasagna has 77% of your daily recommended value of sodium. That. is. ridiculous. Look at the labels on these meals, the sodium levels are through the roof. Consuming too much sodium actually increases water retention and keeps water weight on your body. This is not going to help you lose weight. Sodium can also cause high blood pressure (hypertension), heartburn, cardiac enlargement, ulcers, edema, osteoporosis...Doctors warn about consuming too much salty foods, but a lot people fail to realize when looking at nutrition tables that sodium = salt. They forget that it has the same affect and is just as bad or worse than sprinkling actual grain salt onto your food. Sometimes they fail to check the packaging on food for sodium levels altogether. Of course you must have some sodium, just be aware of how much you're consuming.

So, back to the original question. How do I feel about frozen meals? I feel that you shouldn't eat them. These are honestly doing more harm to your body than good. Have I copped out and consumed them in a pinch? Absolutely. Am I satisfied after? Nope. I always find myself guiltily snacking about two hours later, thus completely canceling out the fact that my meal was low in calorie. When you're preparing your meal from "scratch", you shop for the individual ingredients. You're aware of all of the components going into said meal. When you buy organic or fresh ingredients, not only are you putting more natural foods into your body, you're doing your body a favor by feeding it healthy things. You have more energy, you feel better, fresh food is just an all around better choice. 

Now, I've never been one of those "I'm pretentious and I only eat organic" kind of people, but when it comes to what I'm putting into my body that I'm working so hard to keep healthy, I'm all for spending the extra money to eat as much organic food as possible. For a while, I was so excited to find substitutes for certain things like sweetener or the fake butter that I completely threw chemical awareness out the window. I'm trying my best to cut down more and more on these things. They contain the same type of preservatives and chemicals that are harmful in the frozen foods, so why cut out one poisonous product and not the others? I'm still working on changing my tastes so that I can live without so much sweetener, but it's really hard to drink coffee without something to sweeten it up. I'm still searching for more natural options, but it's not so easy. For fruits and oatmeal, you can use honey to sweeten, but I'm still looking and testing.

I hope that you've learned something from this post because I don't want to you to continue making the same mistakes I made for so long. What you put into your body is a big deal, you have to live in it. Just as cutting down on fats, carbs, and sugars is beneficial, cutting out chemicals and preservatives is just as or more important. Obviously I've talked about not eating fast food. This is important because, not only are the calorie counts of such food outrageous for what you get, but the preservatives in fast food is worse than the frozen meals. I know convenience is a big deal these days, but if you prepare your meals at the beginning of the week or on the weekend, pack things the night before, and take food with you, you can create your own form of convenience and avoid consuming the bad things. Also, spending the money all at once in the grocery store is going to equal the amount you'd spend in the drive-thru or most likely even save you money in the long run.

If you have the option, buy organic. When you buy fish, buy wild not farm-raised. When you buy chicken, buy fresh not frozen. When you buy beef, buy grass fed if possible. Sometimes you have to really dig deep to find these things and sometimes you have to pay a little more than you'd like, but think about it. Pricier and beneficial or cheap and poisonous?

(I got my info from livestrong.com, thefoodfarce.com, and flixya.com)

Step Away From The Microscope.

Are you the kind of person that focuses on the tiniest little details? Do you look at things and assume that others see the same? Chances are, if it's something so small that even you have to seek it out to focus on it, no one else in the world is even noticing it, much less judging it. I have the unpleasant gift of extreme observation. This means that I notice every single little thing about everyone. I'm terrible about judging others silently (and sometimes not so silently) about the details of their appearance. Because I do this myself, in the back of my mind, I feel that others are doing the same to me. This in turn causes me to focus too much on my own flaws. I'm terrible about micro-focusing on myself. When I sit back and think about it, the chances of others noticing these things are pretty slim. It's all in my mind and it's something that I wish I could change about myself. Since losing weight, it has become less of an issue because I feel that there is less that I'm unhappy with, but I still focus on little things that I'm not yet completely happy with. 

This can often spill into other aspects of your life. If you're the kind of person who focuses too closely on the little things, you probably over analyze and fret over mundane things that are actually unimportant. All too often you get so involved in things that you look at the entirety of your life through a microscope. Amplifying manifold, an invisible speck becomes an insurmountable mountain. Take a step back, breathe, and walk away from the microscope. Put the magnifying glass back on the table and imagine yourself a year from now looking back on that "problem": does this really matter? Truly think about it. Is this going to affect me in such a way that would call for such panic? You have to learn to choose your battles and decide what truly calls for such focus. Make a list of things you need to do and put it away. The next day, reread the list and decide which of these things actually requires your time and effort. The list just got shorter, didn't it? 

Look at your life as a big picture. When you're visualizing your future, think about the things that will be required of you to obtain this picture. Don't focus on these little details that will not benefit or will be detrimental to your life. You can plan, plan, plan, but you can't plan for everything. You cannot let unexpected events or developments bring you down. When something bad happens to you, absorb the blow and do what you can to work it into the plan. You can't panic and freak out because this unexpected event occurred. Let yourself enjoy your life and deal with things sanely and rationally. Take it from a former freak out master: crying and hyperventilating is not going to accomplish anything. Once you learn to let things roll off of your back, you're going to feel much less stress build up in your life. This doesn't mean not dealing with reality, this simply means you must to deal with it like an adult. 

On the other hand, you also have to accept the good things that come your way. You cannot ignore happiness! Why would you want to?! It is wonderful to be focused and set on accomplishment, but if you never take the time to have fun and be free, you're going to let your responsibilities weigh you down. You can't let them sit in the back of your mind permanently, but there is no reason that you can't put them back there temporarily while you live your life. When you have a chance to enjoy life, go out and do just that. Come back to your responsibilities when it's time, but live in the moment more often. That was my New Year's Resolution this year and I am so proud to say that I've really held to that. I think the most obvious example of this would be my decision to move to California, but I've adopted this way of life in so many other ways as well. Don't get so caught up in life that you forget to live. 

"Be in love with your life. Every minute of it." -Jack Kerouac

Absolutely. Even in the instances that you're doing something only because you're required to, remember that it's only for a moment. You're allowed to have fun, even in rough times, even in stressful times. Sometimes getting away, even if only for a minute or two, just sitting in a room by yourself, having a meal with a friend, this can be the best antidote for life. Let things go. That's the best advice I can give anyone who would like to live a healthy lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle doesn't just entail eating habits and fitness, it has so much to do with mental and emotional state. If your mind isn't happy, your body can't be happy. If your body isn't happy, your mind can't be happy. I've said it time and time again, everything is connected. Stress is terrible for your skin, it can make you physically ill, it affects your diet, it brings you down. Be happy, be healthy. Be healthy, be happy. So simple. 

"It's some kind of madness.."

Note to self: wear sunscreen. Ok, it's not that bad, but I definitely stayed in the Sun for too long yesterday. Worth it? Absolutely. But my face hurts a little. I'm glad to be getting a little Sun since I basically stayed inside like a hermit for the entire Summer last year, with the exception of the little exposure I got if I ran during the day. But let's be honest, when it's 99 degrees with 180% humidity, the chances of me running outside in the Sun are pretty slim. I refuse to be a pasty ginger again this year. I will not stay inside all Summer. Not happenin' this year, not when I live in California! That would be stupid. I just have to be a little safer about it. As a ginger, I do not condone sunscreenless Sun time. But anyway. 

Have I mentioned to you guys that I have yet to see rain here? That's right. I've lived here for an entire month now, but it has not rained one time since I got here. This is a huge change from the torrential downpours that occur on a regular basis in Alabama. Every time I get on Facebook and scroll through the news feed, everyone is talking about the terrible rain or the uncommon pop of Sunshine. So far, all I've seen here is wonderful Sunshine, cloudy, or foggy. No rain yet. If you know me, you know that I've never been a huge fan of rain, so this is pretty much heaven for me. 

On a completely different note: ya know what's weird? Caring about what I'm eating and not caring at the same time. It's a strange feeling. I know that what I'm eating is not good for me, I know that it's not going to do anything positive for my body, but in the moment, I'm hungry, it's there, and it's what I want. I feel guilty for consuming it as I'm chewing, but I think to myself "Self, you just keep eating. You're hungry and it tastes SO good." WHY!? Why do I do this to myself. I regret it as soon as I do it, actually as I'm doing it. I've already made like 4 bad decisions today and it's only 11:15 am. Must. do. better. Lunch will not be unhealthy, I'll just go ahead and say that. Something to help me today, though, is that Isa doesn't have school. Therefore, I feel like I have little eyes judging everything I do today. Thanks to the 4 year old, I'll make better decisions. That's my life right now.

I just looked back on this post and realized how random it is. Sometimes you just have to get some random thoughts out of your head, I suppose. I feel like I've been rambling like a mad person, but if you're reading this, you're probably crazier than I am for actually getting this far in the post. But thanks for reading :D

No matter how long the Winter, Spring is sure to follow.

With Spring just around the corner, I've been thinking about the whole process of blooming and blossoming. This isn't just in reference to the flowers, trees, and grass, but also to people. I was a late bloomer in almost every way. I didn't really come of age until about 2 years ago. This was when I really began to think for myself, choose what I really liked on my own, not allowing too much influence from others, and just realizing that it was OK to be different and to be the real me. I was always aware that I was quirky, but I was a little afraid to let the freak flag fly. At that point, I had been in college for a few years and was when I decided that I was not going to return to that school. I always knew that I was not a successful student, but I never viewed leaving as an option. I was miserable. I didn't truly realize just how miserable I was, but I knew something was off. When I finally realized that I didn't have to stay where I was, I felt to free. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me and I could breathe again. 

Since then, I've had a couple of different jobs, come out of my shell almost completely, become healthy, changed my appearance in a major way, become a runner, gained confidence, moved across the country, and will be returning to school next semester because I'm finally ready to be a student again. This past year is when I truly blossomed. I had been in the process of blooming for a while, but I think my petals have finally opened all the way and I'm letting in the Sunlight! For a long time, I was afraid to open myself up because I was afraid that I wouldn't be appreciated for me. Now that I know that the right people accept me, I'm no longer afraid to let people in. And do you know what I've found? It's much easier to make genuine connections with others when you're true to your own being. I've only recently made several really close friends and I hate that it came so late, but everything happens at the right time. I gained these friends because I put myself out there and made it happen in one way or another. The rest just kind of fell into place.

You may feel trapped by your own self-consciousness, but when everything finally lines up, you will blossom. You may feel like you're surrounded by darkness and everything around you is muddy, but if you just keep pushing up toward the light, when that right time comes, you will burst into full bloom. This is not something that you can force. I tried to make things happen before I was ready, but at the time, I wasn't aware that I wasn't prepared. Be patient and let things unfold naturally. I'm not saying you should sit back and do absolutely nothing, though. If you're feeling stuck, change something. I don't know what that something or somethings might be, but whatever it is, do it at your own pace and no one else's. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for and you don't have to be what others want you to be. If the people you surround yourself with are trying to change you, run. You need to be around true friends who love you for you and don't ask you to be someone you're not. You can't let anyone mold you, you have to mold yourself. By surrounding yourself with those who accept this, you'll mold yourself into the person you're meant to become.

Everyone blossoms in their own time. Everyone's transformation is different. Don't expect to have the same experience as others in terms of self-discovery. When you're truly ready to become who you were born to be, you'll discover that you never really change, you just become more "you". I still hold to the same ideals that I did when I was young, but I now view them in a more mature and realistic light. I realize what is possible, what is right, and what is me. I haven't really changed, I've simply become the best possible version of myself. I was impatient, I made mistakes, and I know that I can't change things that happened in the past. What I do know is that I can move on from it, focus on the present, and keep aspiring to better myself. Dwelling on things you can't change will allow that mud to seep back into your mind, so don't let it. Stop it in its tracks! All you need to do is keep living your life in a way that will allow you to improve yourself and your circumstances. As for me, I will continue to sculpt myself into someone I can continue to take pride in.

"Things only get as bad as you're willing to let them."

"Things only get as bad as you're willing to let them." -Unknown

I wish I knew who said this because I would like to shake his or her hand. I am constantly reminding myself of this. When I don't do what I am supposed to, whether it's with eating or working out, I am the reason it goes on for too long. When I gain a couple of pounds back, it's because I've let myself. I am the only one to blame when I am not doing well. Lately, I've gotten myself back to where I want to be in terms of my discipline, but I'm still mad at myself for allowing myself to have gotten this far from the goal. I know, I can't dwell on it, that's only going to make me focus on the negative. I have to move on and focus on motivating myself again. I've allowed too much room for mistakes lately and not being strict enough. Yes, I, me, Rachel, am the only one who has control over this. I'm talking to you, as well. Don't let it get too out of hand. It's much harder to go back and fix what you've messed up than it is to just keep pushing forward. Trust me. 

On another note, my new favorite snack in the whole world is apples sauteed in maple syrup. Dear Lord, it's amazing. I slice the apple, drop the pieces in a pan with a little bit of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!", some sugar sub, and about 2 tbsp of sugar-free maple syrup (I use Smucker's Sugar-Free Breakfast Syrup). I've always loved the sauteed apples, but the syrup adds such a sweet, smooth touch. Seriously, try it. Depending on the apple size, this snack would be between 100-115 calories. Not bad for such a filling treat. I've also done this with sliced banana, also quite scrumptious. 

I've been doing the same things, in terms of food, for so long now that I'd actually forgotten how awesome it is to discover new foods, meals, snacks, etc. I've also missed preparing and cooking my own meals. I was eating out, eating pre-prepared or pre-packaged meals, just being lazy basically, just doing what was easy. Now that I've really settled in here and am doing the grocery shopping, I'm able to get the things that I want and need in order to pick up where I left off a few months ago. I'm only allowing myself to make good decisions. I'm allowing myself to get back to that disciplined, self-motivating chick that I was this time last year. Honestly, I'm glad it's all on me, that there's no one else to rely on or blame. So, when I do well, the sense of accomplishment is much greater. 

"...when we learn to let go of yesterday."

You know what's making me feel really awesome lately? The fact that I could be a completely different person out here if I wanted to be, but I'm not. I'm still me, but it's the newer version and there's no baggage following me around. When I meet people here, they don't know about my former fat and sadder life. They don't know that I was once a wallflower. They don't know that I was a completely different person one year ago. I don't have to explain it if I don't want to and it's a feeling that I've never experienced before. I don't have a million thoughts running through my head when a guy talks to me, such as "I bet he's only talking to me now because I'm smaller. He never paid any attention to me when I was heavier." That doesn't exist here. I don't get asked all of the time how I lost all the weight, how much weight did I lose, etc. and I LOVE it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind explaining that, but I'm only the new "me" here and I don't have to keep revisiting that part of me. There is no former "me" here. I feel that I can finally truly move on from "her". I feel more free in this life than I ever have in my entire existence. I no longer feel tethered to "her". Even after going through all of those changes throughout the past year, I never truly felt separated from "her". 

Since moving and meeting new people, I feel that I have actually settled into my current state of mind. I have cut ties with OldRachel. I've said it before, but I truly feel less out of place out here than I did at home. I don't know what that means, but I know that it's a good thing. Of course Birmingham is my home and it's where my family is, but I feel that making this huge change has helped me prove to myself that I've actually grown up, that I'm no longer a child. Good thing, too, because I definitely just turned 24 years old. I didn't feel like an adult until I did this. Yes, I was working, paying bills, taking control of my life, but now I feel that I've truly gone out on a limb and come into my own. I'm really happy that all of this involved providing help to someone as great as Adele and becoming a part of a new family. 

I have felt better about myself over the past 3 days than I have in a couple of months. I've been making better choices again, counting again, and exercising again. My skin is finally healing and clearing up now that it's gotten rid of all of the toxins from junk that I've eaten for so long. Last night, I went out to dinner and wanted to order a burger so, so badly. However, I thought about it and got this amazing salad instead. It had chicken, apples, walnuts, dried fruit, and a delicious house dressing. I was happy with my decision because I felt so satisfied and not weighed down like I would have with the burger or some other sandwich. The more I feel good about myself, the more I want to keep feeling good about myself! It's basically the best cycle ever. I also have a really close friend who is doing so incredibly well on her journey to better health and seeing her success has made me want to keep pushing as well. So thanks, Kacie:)

In short, I'm loving life out here. I'm enjoying experiencing new things. I'm enjoying being able to experience these things with someone. Trust me, it makes it all 10x more awesome. I'm enjoying growing as a person here. I'm enjoying learning even more about myself, about the world, and about myself within this world. It's a strange feeling knowing that I'm so far away from home, but I'm not scared. I'm not sad. I'm not weirded out by it all. I'm taking in every new experience as if it's the last thing I'll do. Every time I drive across one of the amazing bridges and look over to see a gorgeous sunset, or sailboats floating by on the beautiful bay water, or just taking in the view of the mountains around me, I'm really seeing it. I'm breathing in this life. I'm absorbing it all and not taking any of it for granted. I know this will wear off a little eventually, but for now I'm just soaking in every single aspect of this life. And ya know what? I've only been here for less than a month. I still have so much to do and see :)

Reversing My Failures

I jumped back into weight-loss with full force today. I've counted my calories, strayed only a couple of times but with very minimal damage, and did a full 30 minute workout on the elliptical plus toning. Also, the foods I have chosen today have been healthy, light, and yummy. I feel very good today, I feel like myself again, and I am exhausted. I've missed this particular type of exhaustion because it's just the best kind. It's the kind you can only get from a good workout. The kind you get from not being lazy. The kind that makes you feel tired and energetic at the same time. The kind that makes you want to keep going. Up until today, any exercise I've done since moving has been half-hearted, unenergized, unenthused, and honestly, almost not even worth it because what I was eating was kind of canceling it out. I feel better today than I have in months!

This gets me motivated. I haven't even seen results yet, but simply experiencing myself push through a tough workout was a positive result in itself. Also, talking to Mom last night, who is doing well with her journey, helped remind me that I CAN do this. That I WILL do this. She reminded me that I know how to do this. She reminded me that I'm better than what I've been doing. I'm better than the 'me' I've been for the past few months. The truth is I've gained back about 7 pounds and it's starting to show. All of my clothes still fit just fine, but I don't feel confident wearing them. Going from feeling amazing in my skinny jeans to feeling fat again is not what I want and It's not what I need. I need to feel good again, and until I really get myself going again, I'm not going to feel that. I think up until today, what I was doing was reminiscent of my days of "dieting" rather than changing my lifestyle. It didn't work then so why did I think it would make a difference now?! I'm finally getting back into the right mindset and today was a good jumping off point.

I'm trying my absolute best to keep you guys updated with the truth, but lately the truth is something that I've been embarrassed about. I hate having to admit to anyone that I'm failing, but I promised a long time ago that I would always be honest and candid in my writing and I'm not going to change that now. The good thing about failure is that a lot of the time it teaches you a lesson and sometimes it can be reversed or corrected. In my case, I plan to reverse it. You may not see me as a failure, but gaining anything back is a big fat "F" in my grade book. But, like I said, I WILL reverse this. I WILL put in the work. I WILL get back to the real me. This chick that I've been is NOT the one who worked so hard to get what she wanted. Like Mom said, I'm the kind of person who, when she wants something bad enough, will do anything to get it. I miss that chick, but she's finally, FINALLY making a comeback :)

Wearing Make-up

Ya know what really grinds my gears? When men say that women don't need to wear make-up to impress them, that we look better without it. Ya know what? Most women aren't wearing it for you...I know, shocking, we don't all live to impress you and get your attention. I may not speak for every woman, but I wear make-up because it makes me feel better about myself. I feel more put together, more polished with it on. I don't wear it for anyone but myself. I don't wear it to cover up my natural beauty, I wear it to enhance it, to emphasize it. Yes, some women wear too much, take Snookie for example, but not all of us are going for that fake, caked-on, raccoon eye look.

Make-up can't cover up true beauty, but it doesn't ruin it either. If you're feeling good about yourself on the inside, it will push through your eye shadow, lipstick, mascara, or concealer. If you don't feel happy, the make-up isn't going to hide it anyway. I wear make-up to cover blemishes because, let's be honest, no one wants to look at gross skin. I know I don't like it and I feel self-conscious when I have a break out and don't cover it up. I feel like that's all anyone is looking at when they're talking to me... If you're truly happy and a kind-hearted individual, it doesn't matter what you wear, you're going to look beautiful. That light will shine regardless. But if you're mean, unkind, judgmental, and ugly on the inside, make-up will never change that, no matter how much you wear. You could be the most physically gorgeous person, but if your soul is ugly, your outward appearance becomes tainted.

I wear a little more make-up when I'm dressed up for a special occasion because, if I'm wearing a pretty dress or nice outfit, a plain face doesn't accompany that well. The look doesn't seem complete. I feel pretty when I feel confident in how I look, and I feel more confident when I know that my skin and face look polished. Sue me. I'm not going to stop wearing make-up because some guy claims that he hates the stuff. I'm not going to stop wanting to make myself look nice because some guy thinks I'll look better without it. Have you seen me without make-up? No? Good. It's not as pretty, trust me. I have blonde eyelashes and eyebrows which means that, without mascara and filling my brows in, I look 10 years old. I don't want to look like a child....Now, I always do my best to choose make-up that will not cover up my freckles because, let's face it, freckles are adorable and I choose to embrace my ginger-ness. But seriously, men, leave us alone. I see memes about how girls shouldn't wear it and hear men say it, but that's not going to change how most of us feel about it. Just sayin'. Stop your whinin'.

If you truly love us, you'll take us in any form: make-up, no make-up, light and natural make-up, smokey-eyed and dressed up make-up. Women who wear make-up like the way it makes them feel. Simple as that. So, stop telling us to stop wearing it. And if the chick does stop wearing it just because you told her to, I assume she's a push-over who will do anything to keep a man and needs one to feel self-worth. I'm not that girl. I'm not going to change myself in order to land a guy or keep him. If he doesn't accept all facets of me, he's not even close to worth keeping around. Like I said, I may not speak for all women, but I know there are many, many women who feel exactly the way I do. I don't over-do it, a lot of women don't. It's those few Snookie-esque women who make all make-up look gross and fake.

Moral of the story: Guys, leave us alone. I honestly believe that many of you say this to girls to try to make them believe that you're not shallow, but in my opinion, I feel that this is more fake than us wearing make-up. So stop. Just deal with the fact that we wear it and whatever clothing we so choose because, for women, make-up is a part of the outfit, part of the ensemble. It finishes the look. I, for one, will continue to wear it because I like the way it makes me feel. I feel pretty, I feel confident. There's really no way to fully explain this to a man because they don't understand how we feel, but you really should just trust us on this. So, there's my opinion on wearing make-up. Just wanted to share :)

"We turn not older with years, but newer every day." -Emily Dickinson

So. Today is my last day as a 23 year old and, as I look back on this past year, I realize that this was a huge year for me. I became a new Rachel, a happy Rachel. Let's start from the beginning: on this weekend last year, I had flown up to New Jersey to spend a few days with my dad while he was there for work. I was able to explore some of NJ, all of Philadelphia, spent my actual birthday in New York, saw The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, explored DC, saw Baltimore, all in the company of my awesome dad. I was finally able see more of this country and explore new cities. My need to travel was satiated in a small way, but I had no idea, how much more I was going to be able to scratch that itch. Also at that time, I had begun to really lose some weight. When I flew up, I had lost about 20 pounds, so when I got back, I really kicked it into high gear.

I began my first nanny job about a month later and gained so much experience in childcare, a job that I truly believe was placed in my life in order to prepare me for this new job. I spent the entire Summer losing weight, playing with those awesome kids, hanging out with friends, exercising, just having fun and becoming more and more healthy. In August, I was able to share in the joy of my brother's wedding and marriage with a wonderful woman. By the time the Fall rolled around, I had lost the majority of the weight. Also at this time of the year, I gained several new friends that I now cannot imagine not having in my life. Of course, Ashley had come back into my life after another Summer spent on the island in Michigan, which made my life more complete :)

During all of this, I'd become a different person. I've always been me, but I am now more myself than ever before. I'm now a version of myself that I never knew existed until this year. I didn't know that I could be so positive, so healthy, so happy! All of this led to my decision to move across the country. Before all of this, I would never have even considered looking into something like this. The thought would have never even entered my mind, but as the old job was coming to an end, I thought to myself, "I don't have to find another job in this area, I don't have to continue this current life." So I did something about it. I changed my stars (yes, that's from "A Knight's Tale").

I've already talked about the trip out here, but I have to mention again the fact that I got to see so much of the country. I saw Texas, Arizona, the Grand Canyon, the Hoover Dam, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, California, the Pacific Ocean...Not only have I seen California, but I now live here. I live in California! Saying it doesn't get old...I'm living somewhere different, living a new lifestyle, meeting new people, living with a precious family who has welcomed me into their home with open arms, and helping them in so many ways. I'm still amazed, quite frankly.

It would be easy to say that so much happened to me this year, but I feel like I deserve more credit than that. I MADE all of this happen. I didn't accomplish any of this by sitting around waiting and hoping for something good to happen to me, I got up off of my lazy bum and made changes. I am the one who lost the weight, I am the one who put myself out there to make new friends, I am the one who had the courage to seek out a job that was far from home, and I am the one who decided to pack up and move to the opposite coast. Of course, all of this was already in The Plan from the beginning, I just had to wait until He felt that I was ready to make such drastic changes in my life. I can't believe that this all occurred in one year, but I could not be happier with where I am in my life physically, mentally, emotionally, just in every single way.

So, I turn 24 years old tomorrow, which means I'm basically in my mid-twenties. That's really strange. I feel old, but I know that I'm not at all. I still have so much life ahead of me and I cannot wait to see what I can make happen in my 24th year <3