The Year That I Became Rachel

"I never change, I simply become more myself." -Joyce Carol Oates
To say that 2012 was a life-changing year would be the biggest understatement I could possibly make. Looking back to this time last year and remembering how I looked, how I felt, and how I lived makes me want to smack myself. I could have started this change so much earlier than I did, but I think it happened at the right time in my life. If I had just tried to simply lose weight, the change would have been more temporary and purely physical. When I decided to change my life, I honestly wasn't fully aware that it was happening. I didn't realize then that I was about to become more myself than ever. Yes, I have changed in so many ways, mostly in physical appearance. However, I believe that in personality and attitude, I have simply become more me. 

I've become more ambitious than ever, I've become more determined than ever, and I have learned what it means to truly try. I've said it so many times: I was always a quitter. When something got too hard, I left it behind. This is not the case anymore. I have learned how to push myself in all areas of life, not just in eating healthy and in exercise. These two things are what got me running on the right path. I now know how it feels to truly accomplish something and the reward is more amazing than I ever thought possible. I still haven't reached my goal, but just getting this far has changed my life. 

This holiday season has been absolutely wonderful. I've been able to spend time with my family, which is always the best gift. However, I haven't exactly eaten the way I am supposed to...I've indulged, over-eaten, and enjoyed every single bite that I've consumed. Do I regret it? Not necessarily. I feel that I've gotten a lot of cravings out of my system and that I can get back on track now. It would be silly for me make a resolution to diet because I know that I'm going to be right back on the correct path as soon as possible. Today, I've already pointed myself back in that general direction. Seriously though, when Tuesday rolls around, I'm back on the wagon. I'm back to normal. I'll be back to eating healthy foods, lower calorie items, and back to walking and jogging. 

So, what is my New Year's Resolution? That's a good question that I honestly don't have a clear answer to. I've answered several of my past resolutions throughout this year: The weight-loss process is an ongoing and permanent lifestyle change that is still spilling over from last year's resolution. I've developed a more positive attitude and I exercise, I've become more outgoing, I've made more friends, I've figured out what I want to do with my life (though starting the process is a little elusive right now), I give more and help others more often, and I read more. There are so many aspects of myself that have been affected by my lifestyle change, which is making it more difficult for me to find things to resolve. Great problem to have, though, right?

Perhaps one resolution comes to mind: To become more spontaneous. As much as I love routine, I feel that being more free and letting myself think outside of the box more often will help me to become more and more flexible. I'm much more spontaneous than I once was, but I still feel that I let my routine dictate too much of my life. I'm the kind of person that loves to move forward with plans, but I think that throwing plans out the window from time to time may help me to improve my own flexibility. Now, I'm not talking about large plans, such as the ones I have for my life. I can't do that. I'm talking about the little things, such as when a friend calls me and says "let's go do this, meet me here at such and such time", I want to be able to let myself simply get up, get ready, and head out. Too often do I let my routine hold me back from such things, and I feel I may have missed out on a lot of opportunities because of this. No more! I want to live as much of this life as possible, see as much of this world as possible, and experience as many things as possible!

"I discovered to my joy, that it is life, not death, that has no limits." 

This is an idea I'd like to live by. Life doesn't have to be lived with so many limitations. More often than not, you are the only person holding yourself back. Whether it be by physical means or thought process, you can do more, and should do more, than you realize. If there's nothing else I've learned this year, the one thing that really sticks out is that I can do more than I ever thought possible. 2012 will go down in my history as the year that I became Rachel. Before, I was this other person, this negative, sad, and lonely person. After 22 years, Rachel finally made her debut in this world and has become the person she wants to be. I pray that 2013 is just as good to me, but I'm the one who has control over that. By putting my faith in Him and continuing on this path, I'm able to say that I will have another successful year and I can't wait for it to get started :)