"I think positive emotion trumps negative emotion everytime."

"I fight cynicism. It's too easy. It's really boring. It's much harder to be positive and see the wonder of everything." -Ewan McGregor

^ It really is difficult sometimes. If I'm feeling down, I usually try to find a way to change my attitude. But sometimes, it's nice to just let it happen. Sometimes it's nice to let myself be upset, to let myself cry. Crying is not necessarily always a negative thing or a sad thing. Sometimes crying is just a release. Sometimes crying is just a way to let a great mix of emotion out. Every once in a while, I find a sappy movie to watch on purpose simply to have a good cry. I know, that's such a girly thing to do, but hey, whatever works. I always feel better afterwards.

Back to the positivity thing. I try my hardest to stay in this new attitude, but it can be taxing. Sometimes it can take its toll. Sometimes it becomes a chore. I feel that people have come to expect this particular attitude from me and, while I appreciate the fact that most see me in this new light, it can be exhausting. I do still have my days in which I want to be alone. I still have moments when I need to stay away from people, especially after weekends like this past one. It was an absolutely wonderful weekend; four days of pure friend time goodness. I was able to spend Thursday through Sunday with most of my closest friends and it was great! But after my last outing with said friends on Sunday afternoon, it was time to be alone again.

My parents had a Christmas party Sunday evening, so I was even able to have the house to myself. That was fantastic. My evening consisted of eating dinner, watching Elf, then the 2012 World Series Film on ESPN (I loved getting to relive those games :), drinking some hot cocoa, and just relaxing with my babies. I still have days of needing to be by myself, but those days are more rare than they used to be. I now thrive off of my time with friends, my conversations with friends, my relationships in general. But I still can't help but feel the need to let myself be down sometimes.

Bad moods come fewer and farther between these days and I hate it when they surface, but everyone goes through them. I'm still a person who has ups and downs. I'm still imperfect. I'm still just a human being. Nothing can change the fact that I will go through a lot of emotional turmoil throughout my life, but knowing that I'm imperfect and that I'm meant to be imperfect is comforting. As soon as I accepted the fact that there's no way that I can maintain a pristine attitude or a cheery disposition, I found that I could remain happier for longer periods of time. As soon as I stopped trying to be happy, I found joy. The moment that I decided not to care about what others think of me is when I found my greatest amount of confidence. The moment that I let go of the reins and just started living is when I found that I could be this positive person. When I stopped the constant worrying, I became free.

Now, I will still always do my best to maintain my positive demeanor, but I will never make any promises to always be happy. Even though there is a situation that I'm not particularly fond of in my life right now, I refuse to let it get me down. Yes, I want more than anything for it to work out in my favor. Yes, I want the complications to disappear, but knowing that I'm doing everything in my power to get it is enough. I'm doing what I am able to do and that's all that I can do. I've let go of worry, of heartache, of negativity and have chosen to focus on the positives. This particular situation sucks. Period. But if it works out, I'll know that hanging on was worth it. Anyway, the point is that I've let go. Freedom is a wonderful feeling and once you find it, you'll never want to go back to your old way of life. Trust me.