Reality Check

I know I said that on Tuesday I would be getting back to it, but I decided not to wait. Today, I started the 3-day diet thing that I did a while back. I figured it was worth another shot just to get me back into eating smaller portions again. I also think my body will respond in a more positive manner this time around because I've been eating so poorly for so long now that it will send a bit of a shock to my system and help me to lose weight. I hate this diet, but I have to do it. I'm using it as a means to turn away bad food. It's helping me re-train my mind into saying "no". Too often have I just eaten whatever is available to me in the past few weeks. Not good.

Reality Check: I've gained back about 8 pounds. 
Slap. in. the. face.

I know that others probably can't see what I see because I look at myself in micro-detail, but I feel that it's visible. I feel that I can see the pounds affecting the way I look. I honestly don't know if others can tell, but I can and that's not OK. I'm hoping that since my system will be "shocked", this diet will at least help me lose what I gained back. Seriously, I'm kicking it back into high gear. I'm going back to the beginning, dropping my daily calorie intake, eating super healthy things, and exercising. I may be going back to ground zero, but I know what I have to do and I know how to do it. 

Because of what I've been eating, I feel terrible. I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm always hungry...
Old Rachel has resurfaced and I'm doing my best to suppress her again. This is the way that I felt all of the time before I made the change. How did I live like this?! It is so NOT worth it. I hate the way that I feel. I hate the way that I think I look. I'm NOT doing this again. I've now been reminded of why I decided to make the change, and it's kind of a welcome reminder. Sometimes you just need a reality check to show you what poor decision-making can do. 

I hope that this shows you that I'm incredibly far from perfect and that I make mistakes, we all do. I'm human and I am not immune from temptation. All I can do now is remedy my mistakes. All I can do is get back on track, do what I'm supposed to do, and keep my motivation up. And I'm actually highly motivated at the moment because I have to be. I have no choice in the matter. I have to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand. I'm proud of myself already for deciding to fix this. I'm proud of myself for knowing the difference between indulging and falling off of the wagon. I fell off of the wagon. I'm ashamed of that, but I'm fixing it now.

So, stick around for updates on my progress and to help keep me accountable. I need your help and kind words just as much as you (surprisingly) seem to want mine! There may also be a substantially large development in my work situation in the next few weeks, so stay tuned :)