I realize that the continuing changes in my life have been a bit hard to keep up with, but that's life. Even I have trouble keeping up with myself sometimes…But I'm hoping that this is the last big change for a while…I've taken a different full-time job which starts on Monday. Yeah, I know. So many jobs. But this means I'll no longer have to work more than one job or guess at how many days a week I'll be working. The main reason for the job change was that the other family that I was going to start with in January has had to push their maternity leave back until like the second week of February which means that I'd still be doing just part-time with them until she goes back to work. I just cannot keep doing this. I can't keep searching for other part-time or temporary jobs to supplement the two days a week I'd be working with them. So, that's the latest installment in my ever-evolving life.
One of my favorite things about this new job is that it's in the city! I'm going to be working in the Nob Hill neighborhood of San Francisco and I'm super excited about it! So, I'll still have to commute, but now I have the option to BART into the city instead of drive. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bay area, BART is the public train system that runs from the East Bay into the city and south of the city. It's cheap, it's easy, and I won't have to sit in traffic every morning. I will have to walk about 20-25 minutes from the station to their apartment, but ya know what? I welcome it with open arms. A mandatory session of exercise? Yes please! It won't be a short commute, but with the morning traffic getting over the Bay Bridge, it will honestly end up taking the same amount of time either way. And it is so much less stressful than freeway traffic…I could read on the way to work and that's so much more fun than getting mad about it taking 20 minutes to move 1 mile on the freeway...
Also, this family is actually from Atlanta. How exciting is that?! The mother is younger, probably only a few years old than me, and grew up in Atlanta and has family in Birmingham. We both jumped for joy when we realized that we were both Southern girls :) I went over to meet everyone today and the little boy I'll be hanging out with everyday came down the stairs and just jumped on me with a hug. We're off to a great start :) We played a little, helped put his Halloween costume together, talked with the mother and grandmother who happened to be in town, and the father (they're no longer together, but he is very much still involved in the child's life and will be interacting with me fairly frequently). I'll be working from about 8:15am to 5:15pm Tuesday through Saturday, which is odd, but it works. Having Mondays off may turn out to be amazing, we'll just have to see!
Like I said, I would normally be working Tues-Sat, but they are moving from Larkspur in Marin County (the county where I've been working for the last month) to Nob Hill on Monday, so I'm going to go to the old place Monday morning and hang out with the little one (he's 3, by the way) while mom moves and gets everything settled. I'm totally happy to be helping out and getting started so quickly! Before we ever agreed to anything, I told her about my trip to San Diego for Thanksgiving with John's family (oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned that. That's happening :) and my trip home in December for Christmas and New Year's and she was totally fine with it. That was a big relief since I'm starting so close to the holidays. Look at that, life just falling together again.
Seriously, once again, my life has fallen into place in an awesome way and has been much less stressful. I've gotten so lucky so often lately and I could not be more grateful! I feel like everything that's happened in the last month has been what was supposed to happen all along and that it was all in the Plan from the beginning. The live-in job got me out here, brought me to John, and gave me an experience to learn from. But this is where I'm supposed to be. I feel secure in my job, have a great house with a roommate I still can't believe that I found, and finally feel independent again. I hate to leave the family I've been helping on the weekends, but I'm looking forward to no more sleeping away from home for work. I'm going to miss it :( But she did tell me that she has some social events coming this month that she could use my help for and I'll definitely jump on those opportunities! So, even though my life keeps changing and evolving quickly and suddenly, it's all been for the better. I literally have nothing to complain about.
Size 6/8
<3 "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." - Jim Rohn <3
Friday, November 1, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Leaves Are Changing
Ya know what I'm missing right now? Autumn in Alabama. Though, I've been pleasantly surprised by the changing leaves and chilly weather around the Bay, it's nothing compared to back home. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd get to see any Fall leaves, but the Bay has surprised me! I miss going to JSU games on Saturdays, watching my beloved Southerners perform a million times a season, our Fall decorations around the inside and outside of the house, cooking delicious Fall meals with Mom, just being around family (of course, that's true for any time of year…). I will say, though, that the weather here is much more desirable for this season. It's cold in the mornings, chilly, then warm, then back to chilly and cold again at night. It's exactly how it should feel in October. There's always a nice breeze (or 40mph winds depending on which part of the Bay you're in), sunny most of the time, but lately have experienced that infamous San Francisco fog. It's odd, but really cool! It's really awesome to be able to experience the seasons in a different part of the country, for sure.
So, I'm really enjoying this whole freedom during the week thing. I've been able to enjoy going out on weeknights, hanging out with John on random weekdays when we're both off, and just not having to let anyone know where I'm going or when I'll be back…Freedom. It's a beautiful thing. And I know it sounds crazy, but it's really nice to have to drive to work. It's easier to get up in the morning when you know you actually have to leave and be somewhere on time. Of course it's amazing that work is not at home, so leaving and coming back is really nice. I no longer feel trapped in my own home. I also feel less like a guest and more like I'm just a tenant. Another positive aspect is living with someone closer to my age! It's great waking up on a day off, making coffee, preparing some breakfast, and eating and chatting with Jariah at the kitchen table. Same goes for in the evening and dinner time. Also, hanging out by the fire place and just discussing our day and simple things like that. My life has made a complete turn-around.
I don't feel down anymore. I don't feel heavy. I don't feel stuck. I feel like I'm finally living my own life and am enjoying the heck out of it! My temporary job with this precious little boy in Tiburon is coming to an end soon and I've really enjoyed it! The overnight thing is kind a pain sometimes, but it saves me commuting time and gas and she pays so well that there's no way I could say no! I'm still working a couple of days a week with my permanent family, but I'm going to try to find another part-time/temp job to supplement the work week. I still can't believe how well everything came together when I was in such a panic, but I am so grateful that it did. I really just could not be more pleased with everything right now. Life is good.
So, I'm really enjoying this whole freedom during the week thing. I've been able to enjoy going out on weeknights, hanging out with John on random weekdays when we're both off, and just not having to let anyone know where I'm going or when I'll be back…Freedom. It's a beautiful thing. And I know it sounds crazy, but it's really nice to have to drive to work. It's easier to get up in the morning when you know you actually have to leave and be somewhere on time. Of course it's amazing that work is not at home, so leaving and coming back is really nice. I no longer feel trapped in my own home. I also feel less like a guest and more like I'm just a tenant. Another positive aspect is living with someone closer to my age! It's great waking up on a day off, making coffee, preparing some breakfast, and eating and chatting with Jariah at the kitchen table. Same goes for in the evening and dinner time. Also, hanging out by the fire place and just discussing our day and simple things like that. My life has made a complete turn-around.
I don't feel down anymore. I don't feel heavy. I don't feel stuck. I feel like I'm finally living my own life and am enjoying the heck out of it! My temporary job with this precious little boy in Tiburon is coming to an end soon and I've really enjoyed it! The overnight thing is kind a pain sometimes, but it saves me commuting time and gas and she pays so well that there's no way I could say no! I'm still working a couple of days a week with my permanent family, but I'm going to try to find another part-time/temp job to supplement the work week. I still can't believe how well everything came together when I was in such a panic, but I am so grateful that it did. I really just could not be more pleased with everything right now. Life is good.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
A Happy Life Since The Big Changes
This past week has been such a good one. 1000x better than the week before, let me tell ya. I've been working a lot, sleeping a lot, settling into these two jobs, and my house. Well, kind of settling into my house. The overnight part-time job has me gone a lot, but it's worth it because it's easy money and a lot of money…At this point in my life, I'm ok with working a lot because I need the cash and I know that this is temporary. If I had the thought in the back of my head that this is what I'll be doing for a long period of time, I'd be much less inclined to keep doing it. I know that I'm only doing all of this for the next month and a half or so. After I get back from the holidays in January, I'll be working one job and only 4 days a week with regular hours. But the main difference in my stress and happiness levels is that I have a separate place to live when the day is done. I can leave and go to my own house where I know that no one is going to knock on my door and ask me to do something after I'm off work. I can't tell you how big of a deal it is. I know that all of you parents out there are thinking "wait 'til you have your own kids.." But, they're not my own kids. They're not my full-time life. I leave at the end of the day and I need it. When it is with my kids, I don't think I'll be able to even leave the room for more than a minute….
I worked my first day with my (eventual) full-time family this past Thursday and I can tell you that I absolutely made the right decision. I had actually interviewed for and was basically offered another job that's in SF that paid a good bit more, but they were asking for a lot more hours and commuting in and out of the city would be a pain…So, ultimately I chose what was best for me not based on income. I'm making and will be making plenty of money and with a much happier and well-suited job. I feel very blessed to have had these options and to have been able to make a decision based on my well-being rather than money. Not a lot of people are so lucky. The only thing that is suffering slightly at the moment is my eating and exercise habits. I'm having a hard time finding the time to get out and run or walk and I'm trying to eat what I should, but it ain't easy, yo. Honestly, I'm getting more exercise on the weekends when I go out with John and we walk everywhere. My life is so different now, lol. But, I will be walking a good bit with the families when taking them to schools, classes, etc. That makes me feel better. I think I kind of let myself get into a mindset in which I'm not thinking about what I'm eating, I'm just thinking about getting food into my system. That's not a great way to think….
My goal for this coming week is to get myself back on track and focus more on what I'm putting into my body. I want to get out and run when I can and not worry so much about getting into a routine. Honestly, the chances of me getting a routine going are pretty slim. I'll be more able to once I go full-time in the new year, but for now I just have to do what I can when I can. I'm not going to stress myself out over it, though. I'm happy, y'all. And that's not something I've been able to say with complete honesty in a long time. My life came together in an awesome way, I have two great jobs, I have an awesome house with an awesome roommate, and a loving and supportive boyfriend. I don't know what else I could have at this point to make an improvement. Yeah, being closer to family would be tops, but in my situation, I've got just about everything I could ask for. All smiles from this girl :)
I worked my first day with my (eventual) full-time family this past Thursday and I can tell you that I absolutely made the right decision. I had actually interviewed for and was basically offered another job that's in SF that paid a good bit more, but they were asking for a lot more hours and commuting in and out of the city would be a pain…So, ultimately I chose what was best for me not based on income. I'm making and will be making plenty of money and with a much happier and well-suited job. I feel very blessed to have had these options and to have been able to make a decision based on my well-being rather than money. Not a lot of people are so lucky. The only thing that is suffering slightly at the moment is my eating and exercise habits. I'm having a hard time finding the time to get out and run or walk and I'm trying to eat what I should, but it ain't easy, yo. Honestly, I'm getting more exercise on the weekends when I go out with John and we walk everywhere. My life is so different now, lol. But, I will be walking a good bit with the families when taking them to schools, classes, etc. That makes me feel better. I think I kind of let myself get into a mindset in which I'm not thinking about what I'm eating, I'm just thinking about getting food into my system. That's not a great way to think….
My goal for this coming week is to get myself back on track and focus more on what I'm putting into my body. I want to get out and run when I can and not worry so much about getting into a routine. Honestly, the chances of me getting a routine going are pretty slim. I'll be more able to once I go full-time in the new year, but for now I just have to do what I can when I can. I'm not going to stress myself out over it, though. I'm happy, y'all. And that's not something I've been able to say with complete honesty in a long time. My life came together in an awesome way, I have two great jobs, I have an awesome house with an awesome roommate, and a loving and supportive boyfriend. I don't know what else I could have at this point to make an improvement. Yeah, being closer to family would be tops, but in my situation, I've got just about everything I could ask for. All smiles from this girl :)
Sunday, October 13, 2013
"I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
Ok. Let's talk about the soap opera that has been my life for the past 2 weeks…..I'll start from the beginning. A few weeks ago, I was beginning to look around on Care.com for a new nanny position because truth is, I was no longer happy with my living arrangements. I felt that I had no freedom, not enough privacy, wasn't really able to leave during the week, couldn't plan an independent life outside of work because the hours were so erratic, and I just knew that I was becoming burned out and exhausted of the whole situation. So, I began the search to make a change for January and it wasn't long until I had secured a job for a precious young family living in Mill Valley. I interviewed for Sarah on a Sunday, was offered the job that Thursday, accepted the next day, and was babysitting for them by that Saturday. It was a whirlwind process, but a very positive one. I began searching for a place to live, obviously, but no one wanted to wait for a new roommate for the new year, everyone seemed to need someone right-stat-now.
So, I informed Adele of what was going on and she agreed that it was time for everyone to move, which was a huge relief! However, she decided that she would rather have someone new and in place before the holidays and a new school semester in order to have said person acclimated and prepared. Totally understandable. But then things got cold. I will not go into too much detail or bash anyone on a public forum because I'm not trashy. I will just say that I was uncomfortable living there that I knew that I needed to get out of there as soon as I possibly could. I had been working diligently all day and night trying to find a place to live and some part-time/temporary work. I cannot begin to express to you fully how stressed and freaked out I was. I knew I needed out, but I didn't know where I was going to go! But then, after talking to Sarah about my situation, we agreed that some part-time work with the family now would benefit everyone in the long run anyway! That was one relief.
I had found this house that was pretty affordable and in a not-too-bad location in relation to work, went to see it and meet the tenants on Monday night. By the grace of God, I had found the perfect place. Jariah, a 21-year-old nanny, new to the Bay area, is my new roommate and I could not be happier about it. She is so sweet, similar in personality, lifestyle, and tastes and the house is what I need right now. First of all, it's my own place in which I can live more comfortably and freely. I can now leave work and come home. No more living at work. That separation is the main thing I was looking for in all of this. My own independent life. Our landlord is still living there, but is moving to Hawaii at the end of the month, leaving just Jariah and myself in this awesome house. And when I say awesome, I mean awesome. We have a very large pool in the backyard AND a hot tub. No, I'm not making that up...Mina, the landlord, is just fantastic too. I explained my tight financial situation to her and she so graciously worked with me on payments and such and I could not be more grateful.
I left Benicia on Wednesday and stayed at John's for the rest of the week. I cannot tell you how much better he made my life over the past 4 days. I was an emotional wreck, though I hid it well for the most part. I silently freaked out for an entire week and then everything came out when I called my parents on Monday night. I hadn't really spoken to anyone about just how crazy everything was so I explained everything to them. I wanted to wait until I had a more concrete plan so that they wouldn't be freaked out too. So, because I hadn't spoken about it, when I finally did I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I lost the control and cried harder than I had in months and it felt amazing. I was so focused on figuring everything out that I hadn't really stopped to think about what exactly was happening. My life was changing drastically and I wasn't really paying attention to the craziness, I think I was just focused on the logistics of the situation. That hour and a half conversation was my therapy.
When I got to John's, he assured me that we were going to have fun and not have to focus on what was happening, but while that was happening, everything fell into place. I had been applying to as many childcare jobs as possible to fill in the days (I'm only working with Sarah on Wednesdays and Thursdays until the end of the year), and all of a sudden, I got responses to like 5! As I'm typing this, I'm sitting in the apartment of my other part-time job: working for a single mother watching her 2.5 year old little boy while she works over night on Sunday nights and then while she sleeps for a little while on Monday. Then, I come back Monday night, stay over again and take him to preschool on Tuesday morning and then I'm done until the next Sunday. And I get $400/week for this. Yep. I was all freaked out because I had no clue how I was going to pay rent and still be able to live, but thanks to this woman and Sarah letting me help out during the week, I'm making rent in just one week of each month. Yep. I literally teared up when I realized how much better my situation had all of a sudden gotten in a matter of days.
So, after the work situation became solid, I was able to officially accept the room and lease-agreement with Mina and Jariah. I moved in today and am already feeling 110% better than I did just yesterday. John did make my week a million times better with all of the fun stuff and relaxing we did, but of course I was still a little worried about everything. Now that I've moved in, started this job, and starting with Sarah on Thursday, I'm no longer scared or freaked out. I know that with the help of my amazing family, my awesome boyfriend (who put gas in my car without telling me :), and Him, I'm safe and secure. I have nothing to worry about and I'm happier and feel more free now than I have in months. I sincerely appreciate everyone's concern and curiosity about my situation and for sticking with me. I didn't want to update until I had a firm plan and an absolute update. I'm just. I'm still emotional. I'm still a little on-edge. But I'm better and I'm so proud of myself for figuring everything out on my own. When I spoke to my mom that night she was wondering why I was so freaked because she said it seemed like I had everything figured out, and looking back on it, she was right. I think the freak out just came from a place where I have a fear of the unknown, ya know? I don't like not being in control of my situation and this made me feel more out of control than ever.
Like I said, I'm very proud and kind of surprised that I did all of this myself. I could have easily just packed up my car and driven back to Alabama. But then what? Go back to doing exactly what I was doing before? No. I don't want to go backwards, I want to continue to grow and become this strong independent person that I'm becoming. I'm enjoying seeing myself develop and grow. Also, no way I was just leaving John… ;) I'm proud of what I did and knowing that I had the choice to change my situation for the better. Too many people stick with a job they hate simply because of money and fear. I like to think that I was brave enough to change my path. Yeah, we'll go with that :)
"I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” -Eric Roth
So, I informed Adele of what was going on and she agreed that it was time for everyone to move, which was a huge relief! However, she decided that she would rather have someone new and in place before the holidays and a new school semester in order to have said person acclimated and prepared. Totally understandable. But then things got cold. I will not go into too much detail or bash anyone on a public forum because I'm not trashy. I will just say that I was uncomfortable living there that I knew that I needed to get out of there as soon as I possibly could. I had been working diligently all day and night trying to find a place to live and some part-time/temporary work. I cannot begin to express to you fully how stressed and freaked out I was. I knew I needed out, but I didn't know where I was going to go! But then, after talking to Sarah about my situation, we agreed that some part-time work with the family now would benefit everyone in the long run anyway! That was one relief.
I had found this house that was pretty affordable and in a not-too-bad location in relation to work, went to see it and meet the tenants on Monday night. By the grace of God, I had found the perfect place. Jariah, a 21-year-old nanny, new to the Bay area, is my new roommate and I could not be happier about it. She is so sweet, similar in personality, lifestyle, and tastes and the house is what I need right now. First of all, it's my own place in which I can live more comfortably and freely. I can now leave work and come home. No more living at work. That separation is the main thing I was looking for in all of this. My own independent life. Our landlord is still living there, but is moving to Hawaii at the end of the month, leaving just Jariah and myself in this awesome house. And when I say awesome, I mean awesome. We have a very large pool in the backyard AND a hot tub. No, I'm not making that up...Mina, the landlord, is just fantastic too. I explained my tight financial situation to her and she so graciously worked with me on payments and such and I could not be more grateful.
I left Benicia on Wednesday and stayed at John's for the rest of the week. I cannot tell you how much better he made my life over the past 4 days. I was an emotional wreck, though I hid it well for the most part. I silently freaked out for an entire week and then everything came out when I called my parents on Monday night. I hadn't really spoken to anyone about just how crazy everything was so I explained everything to them. I wanted to wait until I had a more concrete plan so that they wouldn't be freaked out too. So, because I hadn't spoken about it, when I finally did I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I lost the control and cried harder than I had in months and it felt amazing. I was so focused on figuring everything out that I hadn't really stopped to think about what exactly was happening. My life was changing drastically and I wasn't really paying attention to the craziness, I think I was just focused on the logistics of the situation. That hour and a half conversation was my therapy.
When I got to John's, he assured me that we were going to have fun and not have to focus on what was happening, but while that was happening, everything fell into place. I had been applying to as many childcare jobs as possible to fill in the days (I'm only working with Sarah on Wednesdays and Thursdays until the end of the year), and all of a sudden, I got responses to like 5! As I'm typing this, I'm sitting in the apartment of my other part-time job: working for a single mother watching her 2.5 year old little boy while she works over night on Sunday nights and then while she sleeps for a little while on Monday. Then, I come back Monday night, stay over again and take him to preschool on Tuesday morning and then I'm done until the next Sunday. And I get $400/week for this. Yep. I was all freaked out because I had no clue how I was going to pay rent and still be able to live, but thanks to this woman and Sarah letting me help out during the week, I'm making rent in just one week of each month. Yep. I literally teared up when I realized how much better my situation had all of a sudden gotten in a matter of days.
So, after the work situation became solid, I was able to officially accept the room and lease-agreement with Mina and Jariah. I moved in today and am already feeling 110% better than I did just yesterday. John did make my week a million times better with all of the fun stuff and relaxing we did, but of course I was still a little worried about everything. Now that I've moved in, started this job, and starting with Sarah on Thursday, I'm no longer scared or freaked out. I know that with the help of my amazing family, my awesome boyfriend (who put gas in my car without telling me :), and Him, I'm safe and secure. I have nothing to worry about and I'm happier and feel more free now than I have in months. I sincerely appreciate everyone's concern and curiosity about my situation and for sticking with me. I didn't want to update until I had a firm plan and an absolute update. I'm just. I'm still emotional. I'm still a little on-edge. But I'm better and I'm so proud of myself for figuring everything out on my own. When I spoke to my mom that night she was wondering why I was so freaked because she said it seemed like I had everything figured out, and looking back on it, she was right. I think the freak out just came from a place where I have a fear of the unknown, ya know? I don't like not being in control of my situation and this made me feel more out of control than ever.
Like I said, I'm very proud and kind of surprised that I did all of this myself. I could have easily just packed up my car and driven back to Alabama. But then what? Go back to doing exactly what I was doing before? No. I don't want to go backwards, I want to continue to grow and become this strong independent person that I'm becoming. I'm enjoying seeing myself develop and grow. Also, no way I was just leaving John… ;) I'm proud of what I did and knowing that I had the choice to change my situation for the better. Too many people stick with a job they hate simply because of money and fear. I like to think that I was brave enough to change my path. Yeah, we'll go with that :)
"I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” -Eric Roth
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Meh
Well, I finally did it. I worked through the plateau and finally lost 2 more pounds making that a total of 12. I feel so relieved! I was starting to feel that it was never going to happen...Again, I'm sorry for not updating much for the past couple of weeks, but in all honesty I just straight up have not felt like it. By the time I had time to do any writing during the day, I was too tired or lazy to actually do it... Adele was on-call last week, so it was pretty hectic and full. This past weekend, however, I did whole lotta relaxing. Lots of laying around, John's 5 year old niece's birthday dinner thrown in there, and actual girl time in SF on Sunday. Overall, it was a pretty great 2 days. Now, this coming weekend we are finally-FINALLY-moving to the new house completely. The movers are scheduled for 10 am on Friday and we'll be good to go. Adele bought herself a new bed, so she offered her old one to me (and by old, I mean like less than a year old) which means I'll have my first big girl bed. Yeah. I've only ever had a twin bed for my entire life, but now I'll actually have a queen! Amazingly enough, the bedspread I have is queen sized because it was the only one left where I bought it and I really wanted it...I guess I subconsciously knew...
I've been trying to change up my walking/running routine lately and I guess it worked! I've been taking different routes, switching up distances, going at different times of the morning, different paces, etc. Your body really can get bored and changing things up can kind of trick it into losing. It is really easy to get complacent in your routine and not even think about it. If you're beginning to feel bored with what you're doing, change something. It does wonders. But please make sure you're resting as well. If you don't give it a break it can shut down and do the opposite of what you want it to. I do it to myself more than I should and then when I finally realize it, good things happen.
I was actually kind of amazed that I lost after this past weekend because, real talk, I ate some junk....Maybe it just wasn't as much as I had thought. Friday night, I cooked dinner for me and John which was a delicious chicken, red potato, and cooked carrot dish (literally just chicken breasts, cut up red potatoes, and carrots that I'd already cooked in a pot with a little butter, brown sugar, and salt, all thrown together and lightly seasoned with salt, pepper, and italian seasoning in a 9x13 baking dish and cooked for 1 hour at 350 degrees). 'Twas delicious and juicy. We had my pumpkin pancakes for brunch on Saturday, then at the birthday dinner, we had vegetarian pizza, butternut squash soup, and cabbage salad. Of course, it wouldn't have been a birthday without cupcakes...totally had a chocolate one...Sunday, I went to lunch with a couple of girl friends and had this amazing-AMAZING- cheddar and ham grilled cheese on sourdough at this sandwich place in the North Beach neighborhood. It was literally one of the best things I've ever tasted in my life... I think the key to the weekend was that my body got rest, I didn't over-eat at any meal, and there was no eating in between the meals. If only I could do that every day...
Seriously, if I could sleep in every day, I'd probably be at my goal and then some. No joke. When I sleep in, I'm able to distribute what would have been my breakfast calories into the other two main meals of the day and I feel full for more of the day and have less tendency to want to snack. But since I can't sleep in every day, I have to control myself. Wanting to be healthy really sucks. Not really. But really. I'm extremely proud of myself so far this week because I've done a good job of keeping myself busy and not focused on food. I didn't do anything active yesterday simply because I just didn't wanna. Sometimes that's ok, especially after making progress weight-loss-wise over the weekend. When I weighed this morning, I was exactly the same as yesterday, so no harm done. I walked 3 miles today and I feel good about it. Instead of going this morning, I just waited until close to the time that I go to get Isa and just walked around the neighborhood and then got her and walked home. I like that set-up.
I lucked out and got tomorrow off because I have to work a little extra this evening and I'm pretty pumped about it. I've really had a hard time falling asleep this week and feeling super groggy in the mornings, so a chance to sleep will do wonders for me. I also have to take as much of my stuff as I can to the new house so that it will be easier for the movers on Friday. So, relaxing morning-busy day. I'll take it.
I've been trying to change up my walking/running routine lately and I guess it worked! I've been taking different routes, switching up distances, going at different times of the morning, different paces, etc. Your body really can get bored and changing things up can kind of trick it into losing. It is really easy to get complacent in your routine and not even think about it. If you're beginning to feel bored with what you're doing, change something. It does wonders. But please make sure you're resting as well. If you don't give it a break it can shut down and do the opposite of what you want it to. I do it to myself more than I should and then when I finally realize it, good things happen.
I was actually kind of amazed that I lost after this past weekend because, real talk, I ate some junk....Maybe it just wasn't as much as I had thought. Friday night, I cooked dinner for me and John which was a delicious chicken, red potato, and cooked carrot dish (literally just chicken breasts, cut up red potatoes, and carrots that I'd already cooked in a pot with a little butter, brown sugar, and salt, all thrown together and lightly seasoned with salt, pepper, and italian seasoning in a 9x13 baking dish and cooked for 1 hour at 350 degrees). 'Twas delicious and juicy. We had my pumpkin pancakes for brunch on Saturday, then at the birthday dinner, we had vegetarian pizza, butternut squash soup, and cabbage salad. Of course, it wouldn't have been a birthday without cupcakes...totally had a chocolate one...Sunday, I went to lunch with a couple of girl friends and had this amazing-AMAZING- cheddar and ham grilled cheese on sourdough at this sandwich place in the North Beach neighborhood. It was literally one of the best things I've ever tasted in my life... I think the key to the weekend was that my body got rest, I didn't over-eat at any meal, and there was no eating in between the meals. If only I could do that every day...
Seriously, if I could sleep in every day, I'd probably be at my goal and then some. No joke. When I sleep in, I'm able to distribute what would have been my breakfast calories into the other two main meals of the day and I feel full for more of the day and have less tendency to want to snack. But since I can't sleep in every day, I have to control myself. Wanting to be healthy really sucks. Not really. But really. I'm extremely proud of myself so far this week because I've done a good job of keeping myself busy and not focused on food. I didn't do anything active yesterday simply because I just didn't wanna. Sometimes that's ok, especially after making progress weight-loss-wise over the weekend. When I weighed this morning, I was exactly the same as yesterday, so no harm done. I walked 3 miles today and I feel good about it. Instead of going this morning, I just waited until close to the time that I go to get Isa and just walked around the neighborhood and then got her and walked home. I like that set-up.
I lucked out and got tomorrow off because I have to work a little extra this evening and I'm pretty pumped about it. I've really had a hard time falling asleep this week and feeling super groggy in the mornings, so a chance to sleep will do wonders for me. I also have to take as much of my stuff as I can to the new house so that it will be easier for the movers on Friday. So, relaxing morning-busy day. I'll take it.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
So Many Things To Talk About
I literally spent the entire morning walking. For 2 hours and 16 minutes, 8.05 miles, I enjoyed the scenery in this beautiful town. For the first time, I branched out and actually took in what I was looking at, really seeing it all. I parked my car at the park where I usually do, but instead of heading out onto the park path, I went the other direction towards town. Along the way, I was able to smell, hear, see the water and feel the breeze coming off the bay and really look at all of the beautiful houses. I came across an almost hidden path down to the shore, went down it, and just stood there for a minute and looked. I also found a memorial park that has the American and California flags flying (at half-mast today, obviously) and I took a moment there, as well. When I turned around and headed back to the park, I decided not to do my usual. I, instead, followed the path that goes out into the marsh and brush where it was completely quiet. There was no one else out there with me, the clouds made it darker than usual and beautiful, and on my phone a piece of music began to play that was absolutely soothing. It was an amazing opportunity to relfect, be in peace, and remember what today's anniversary is. I actually began to cry a little because of everything going through my mind coupled with the music and scenery. I took some deeps breaths and just felt so content and thankful. I know it sounds cheesy, but it happened. I just felt very calm. More at ease than I've felt in weeks.
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clockwise: the flags at half-mast, the hidden path, and what I was in the middle of and looking at on that path in the brush.
This week I've been on kind of an emotional roller coaster and have just been feeling down and more homesick than I ever thought possible. I've been homesick from time to time since I moved, but it has been overwhelming for the past couple of weeks. I've cried, talked to my mom about all of it, and over-eaten to the point of hating myself. But when I woke up this morning, I had a completely different attitude and felt more at ease and at peace than I have in weeks. I usually try to get through my daily exercise as quickly as possible in order to get back to the house so that I can get back to being lazy and to enjoy the empty, quiet the house but today, I enjoyed so much being out there and breathing in my surroundings. I didn't care or even notice how long I'd been going. I had slipped into a funk, but I'm quickly climbing back out of it. I am unfortunately an emotional eater and the first half of this week was a doozy, but now that I'm feeling more on the upside, I'm having a much easier time controlling my appetite. It definitely helps my mindset looking back at my fitness app record and seeing that I burned 875 calories today (walked to and from the school to get Isa added another 3/4 of a mile and 75 extra calories burned). I had to do something to make up for the past couple of days and I really feel like today was a sort of therapy for me.
On a much happier, less somber note, we have begun the moving process! This past weekend, I got my new bathroom completely set up, moved all of my shoes, most of my hang-up clothes, pictures, and wall hangings. It definitely makes me feel better actually putting my own things into that room and planning out where I want things to go. It's also really exciting that my closet is super big and my bathroom is awesome, ya know, without the toys falling all over me and boy pee all over the toilet, going in and having everything be exactly where I left it, and no towels on the floor. I've even had the chance to use the new shower a couple of times and let me tell ya, it's wonderful. It's so spacious and doesn't have an annoying curtain blowing in on me that I have to anchor down with shampoo bottles. It's the little things, guys. The new house really is incredibly beautiful and the views are ridiculous.
Sunset from the back patio and some pics from my bathroom.
Told ya. I can't wait to be completely moved over there and it shouldn't be too much longer until that happens. Adele talked about possibly having the beds moved over this weekend, so we may be sleeping there very soon. She's orded brand new couches for the living room and after seeing the picture of them, I'm ecstatic! They're gorgeous, dark brown leather and each end reclines. Ah. The current "couch" is actually a futon and it is grotesquely uncomfortable. Like, I don't think you understand. I wish I could think of something to compare it to, but nothing horrible enough comes to mind. I'll be much more inclined to hang out in the living room more since it won't give me back issues...It could really become easy to seclude myself once we move since my space is so separated from the rest of the house, but I don't want to let that happen. I want to hang out with the kids and spend time with the whole family, but in this house right now, it's hard for me to want to because the layout sucks and the furniture is terrible. It's no excuse, but it's all I've got. I'm ready for it to feel as if we live in a real home rather than just a temporary house. I feel at home with the family, but not in this structure. It's definitely time to get more permanent.
I want to apologize for my absence for the past week and a half. Like I said, I've been down and emotional and exhausted and just in a somewhat foul mood. I'm over it now and I'm back. To kind of catch you up with where I am in the exercise department, let's talk about last week. Monday- 5.41 mi
Tuesday- 5.5 mi
Wednesday- 3 mi
Thursday- 5.5 mi
Friday- 3.28 mi
22.69 miles and approximately 2,815 calories burned for the week.
That feels pretty good to look at. One of my favorite features of the Mapmyfitness app is that every Sunday, it emails you your "greatness at a glance" (that's what the weekly report is called and I love it). It tells you how many miles and hours logged, average pace, and calories burned for the week. It's really uplifting to see it all added up like that and to think back on what you accomplished. Because last week was so full and because I'm a girl and things happen...I'm taking it a little easier this week. My body is fatigued and I'm mentally unable to push myself as I normally do. I'm pretty much just walking this week, though I did run here and there during today's outing just to kind of break up the monotony of just walking and it gave my legs kind of a re-energizer. I'm having some soreness in my left knee again and have been having problems with the main joint of my right big toe, so to keep from further injuring myself, I'm not going to over-work. I have more time to take in what's around me and more time to enjoy beautiful music. I may do the same again tomorrow, honestly. It was an incredibly enjoyable and peaceful morning. I feel right, y'all. I feel right.
P.S. This is the beautifully peaceful piece of music that I was listening to when I was out on the path (was used for my favorite piece from this season of "So You Think You Can Dance").
ENJOY
Ya know what, I really just wanna share that too, so here. Seriously, you should watch that. They really do seem like they're underwater! Stunning. It makes me cry every time I watch it.
Told ya. I can't wait to be completely moved over there and it shouldn't be too much longer until that happens. Adele talked about possibly having the beds moved over this weekend, so we may be sleeping there very soon. She's orded brand new couches for the living room and after seeing the picture of them, I'm ecstatic! They're gorgeous, dark brown leather and each end reclines. Ah. The current "couch" is actually a futon and it is grotesquely uncomfortable. Like, I don't think you understand. I wish I could think of something to compare it to, but nothing horrible enough comes to mind. I'll be much more inclined to hang out in the living room more since it won't give me back issues...It could really become easy to seclude myself once we move since my space is so separated from the rest of the house, but I don't want to let that happen. I want to hang out with the kids and spend time with the whole family, but in this house right now, it's hard for me to want to because the layout sucks and the furniture is terrible. It's no excuse, but it's all I've got. I'm ready for it to feel as if we live in a real home rather than just a temporary house. I feel at home with the family, but not in this structure. It's definitely time to get more permanent.
I want to apologize for my absence for the past week and a half. Like I said, I've been down and emotional and exhausted and just in a somewhat foul mood. I'm over it now and I'm back. To kind of catch you up with where I am in the exercise department, let's talk about last week. Monday- 5.41 mi
Tuesday- 5.5 mi
Wednesday- 3 mi
Thursday- 5.5 mi
Friday- 3.28 mi
22.69 miles and approximately 2,815 calories burned for the week.
That feels pretty good to look at. One of my favorite features of the Mapmyfitness app is that every Sunday, it emails you your "greatness at a glance" (that's what the weekly report is called and I love it). It tells you how many miles and hours logged, average pace, and calories burned for the week. It's really uplifting to see it all added up like that and to think back on what you accomplished. Because last week was so full and because I'm a girl and things happen...I'm taking it a little easier this week. My body is fatigued and I'm mentally unable to push myself as I normally do. I'm pretty much just walking this week, though I did run here and there during today's outing just to kind of break up the monotony of just walking and it gave my legs kind of a re-energizer. I'm having some soreness in my left knee again and have been having problems with the main joint of my right big toe, so to keep from further injuring myself, I'm not going to over-work. I have more time to take in what's around me and more time to enjoy beautiful music. I may do the same again tomorrow, honestly. It was an incredibly enjoyable and peaceful morning. I feel right, y'all. I feel right.
P.S. This is the beautifully peaceful piece of music that I was listening to when I was out on the path (was used for my favorite piece from this season of "So You Think You Can Dance").
ENJOY
Ya know what, I really just wanna share that too, so here. Seriously, you should watch that. They really do seem like they're underwater! Stunning. It makes me cry every time I watch it.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Re-motivated
I kind of lost my way this week. Not in running, that was actually pretty spectacular this week, but my eating habits were not a source of pride...I didn't go crazy or lose complete control, but I found myself doing a lot more "snacking" than normal. I'm still having a really hard time finding that balance of calories burned and calories eaten and I'm still quite frustrated by it. All I can do is to keep going and keep working hard at this. Yesterday's run was kind of amazing. I did 5.5 miles and I did the whole thing with no pain...That was weird...No side cramps, no leg cramps, nothin'...I wish it could be like that every time! Today wasn't too bad, but I was still having some side cramps. I took it easy and just did about 3.3 miles, but I burned 400 calories, so it was definitely a success. Three miles is "taking it easy". That feels good to say :)
I'm fairly certain I'm going to be able to begin the moving process this weekend! Adele is over at the new as at this moment getting the carpets cleaned and the locks changed. As soon as I get my key, she said it's OK for me to start moving stuff in. I'm so excited! I still haven't even packed anything, but I honestly don't have much to do...It's pretty much just clothing, to be honest. I can definitely get my bathroom set up and take books and such over, but thankfully, Adele is having movers come get all of the big furniture :D I don't think I've ever gotten to move (other than moving out here) and not actually have to move any furniture...And I've moved a lot, guys. Like, a lot a lot.
Ya know, it seems like everytime I feel a little down about my control over eating, someone contacts me needing advice or just some words of encouragement and I feel in control again. It gets me motivated and refocused on what I need to do. It makes me look back on where I've been, what I've been through, how I got here, just gets me looking at my progress. It always seem to come in perfect timing, too. It always happens when I need to hear it the most and it happened again this week. I had a very close friend text me needing direction with really getting her process started and how to push herself and keep motivated and it made me go all the way back to my very first blog post when I explained everything to you guys about how I got to where I am. Re-reading that really helped me remember what I have done and what I need to do again. Looking back makes me want to be better. I love hearing from you guys :)
"Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going." I have to remember that quote quite frequently. I have to keep myself motivated, but what keeps me motivated? Results. When I see a difference, feel a difference, feel good about myself, feel good physically, I'm motivated to keep it all going. Just because I'm not neccessarily losing weight, I'm doing good things for my body, my mood, and my future health. Being healthy now will help me age better and stay healthier for longer. I'm not just living for the now, I'm working for my future. I work hard for myself and for my future family. I want to be able to play with my kids (whenever that happens...) and not feel old. I want to be able to keep up with them without running out of breath, ya know? I want to be one of those moms that other people see and think "damn, she looks great! Has she really had kids?" Whenever I get married, I don't want to have to work to get into that certain size, I want to be there already. I want to be able to wear whatever wedding dress I want. Being healthy now will help me have a safer pregnancy one day and help me get back into shape afterwards. I'm at an age now where I have to think about these things rather just focusing on just looking good now. I'm doing all of this for so many reasons, so many important reasons.
Even if you're struggling to get going or to keep going, just remember that one thing that got you motivated in the first place. My initial reasoning was because I was tired of feeling crappy about the way that I looked in clothes, but as I kept going, I realized that there is so much more to it than that. All of the other benefits kept me motivated and kept me working. Being unhealthy is not worth it in any way. There's this saying that I keep seeing on Pinterest: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." First of all, lies. Pizza, cake, chocolate, tacos, pie, cookies, etc. I'd much rather just be able to eat whatever I want without getting fat, but I love food too much. Your motivation shouldn't be "skinny", it should be healthy. Some of the smallest people I know are also some of the most out of shape people I know. Just because you're small doesn't mean you're healthy. I know plenty of skinny people who can't run for a quarter of a mile without stopping. How you look shouldn't be the goal, it should be one of the many benefits of getting healthy. Don't work towards skinny, work towards healthy. I cannot say it enough.
I'm fairly certain I'm going to be able to begin the moving process this weekend! Adele is over at the new as at this moment getting the carpets cleaned and the locks changed. As soon as I get my key, she said it's OK for me to start moving stuff in. I'm so excited! I still haven't even packed anything, but I honestly don't have much to do...It's pretty much just clothing, to be honest. I can definitely get my bathroom set up and take books and such over, but thankfully, Adele is having movers come get all of the big furniture :D I don't think I've ever gotten to move (other than moving out here) and not actually have to move any furniture...And I've moved a lot, guys. Like, a lot a lot.
Ya know, it seems like everytime I feel a little down about my control over eating, someone contacts me needing advice or just some words of encouragement and I feel in control again. It gets me motivated and refocused on what I need to do. It makes me look back on where I've been, what I've been through, how I got here, just gets me looking at my progress. It always seem to come in perfect timing, too. It always happens when I need to hear it the most and it happened again this week. I had a very close friend text me needing direction with really getting her process started and how to push herself and keep motivated and it made me go all the way back to my very first blog post when I explained everything to you guys about how I got to where I am. Re-reading that really helped me remember what I have done and what I need to do again. Looking back makes me want to be better. I love hearing from you guys :)
"Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going." I have to remember that quote quite frequently. I have to keep myself motivated, but what keeps me motivated? Results. When I see a difference, feel a difference, feel good about myself, feel good physically, I'm motivated to keep it all going. Just because I'm not neccessarily losing weight, I'm doing good things for my body, my mood, and my future health. Being healthy now will help me age better and stay healthier for longer. I'm not just living for the now, I'm working for my future. I work hard for myself and for my future family. I want to be able to play with my kids (whenever that happens...) and not feel old. I want to be able to keep up with them without running out of breath, ya know? I want to be one of those moms that other people see and think "damn, she looks great! Has she really had kids?" Whenever I get married, I don't want to have to work to get into that certain size, I want to be there already. I want to be able to wear whatever wedding dress I want. Being healthy now will help me have a safer pregnancy one day and help me get back into shape afterwards. I'm at an age now where I have to think about these things rather just focusing on just looking good now. I'm doing all of this for so many reasons, so many important reasons.
Even if you're struggling to get going or to keep going, just remember that one thing that got you motivated in the first place. My initial reasoning was because I was tired of feeling crappy about the way that I looked in clothes, but as I kept going, I realized that there is so much more to it than that. All of the other benefits kept me motivated and kept me working. Being unhealthy is not worth it in any way. There's this saying that I keep seeing on Pinterest: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." First of all, lies. Pizza, cake, chocolate, tacos, pie, cookies, etc. I'd much rather just be able to eat whatever I want without getting fat, but I love food too much. Your motivation shouldn't be "skinny", it should be healthy. Some of the smallest people I know are also some of the most out of shape people I know. Just because you're small doesn't mean you're healthy. I know plenty of skinny people who can't run for a quarter of a mile without stopping. How you look shouldn't be the goal, it should be one of the many benefits of getting healthy. Don't work towards skinny, work towards healthy. I cannot say it enough.
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