A Happy Life Since The Big Changes

This past week has been such a good one. 1000x better than the week before, let me tell ya. I've been working a lot, sleeping a lot, settling into these two jobs, and my house. Well, kind of settling into my house. The overnight part-time job has me gone a lot, but it's worth it because it's easy money and a lot of money…At this point in my life, I'm ok with working a lot because I need the cash and I know that this is temporary. If I had the thought in the back of my head that this is what I'll be doing for a long period of time, I'd be much less inclined to keep doing it. I know that I'm only doing all of this for the next month and a half or so. After I get back from the holidays in January, I'll be working one job and only 4 days a week with regular hours. But the main difference in my stress and happiness levels is that I have a separate place to live when the day is done. I can leave and go to my own house where I know that no one is going to knock on my door and ask me to do something after I'm off work. I can't tell you how big of a deal it is. I know that all of you parents out there are thinking "wait 'til you have your own kids.." But, they're not my own kids. They're not my full-time life. I leave at the end of the day and I need it. When it is with my kids, I don't think I'll be able to even leave the room for more than a minute….

I worked my first day with my (eventual) full-time family this past Thursday and I can tell you that I absolutely made the right decision. I had actually interviewed for and was basically offered another job that's in SF that paid a good bit more, but they were asking for a lot more hours and commuting in and out of the city would be a pain…So, ultimately I chose what was best for me not based on income. I'm making and will be making plenty of money and with a much happier and well-suited job. I feel very blessed to have had these options and to have been able to make a decision based on my well-being rather than money. Not a lot of people are so lucky. The only thing that is suffering slightly at the moment is my eating and exercise habits. I'm having a hard time finding the time to get out and run or walk and I'm trying to eat what I should, but it ain't easy, yo. Honestly, I'm getting more exercise on the weekends when I go out with John and we walk everywhere. My life is  so different now, lol. But, I will be walking a good bit with the families when taking them to schools, classes, etc. That makes me feel better. I think I kind of let myself get into a mindset in which I'm not thinking about what I'm eating, I'm just thinking about getting food into my system. That's not a great way to think….

My goal for this coming week is to get myself back on track and focus more on what I'm putting into my body. I want to get out and run when I can and not worry so much about getting into a routine. Honestly, the chances of me getting a routine going are pretty slim. I'll be more able to once I go full-time in the new year, but for now I just have to do what I can when I can. I'm not going to stress myself out over it, though. I'm happy, y'all. And that's not something I've been able to say with complete honesty in a long time. My life came together in an awesome way, I have two great jobs, I have an awesome house with an awesome roommate, and a loving and supportive boyfriend. I don't know what else I could have at this point to make an improvement. Yeah, being closer to family would be tops, but in my situation, I've got just about everything I could ask for. All smiles from this girl :)

"I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

Ok. Let's talk about the soap opera that has been my life for the past 2 weeks…..I'll start from the beginning. A few weeks ago, I was beginning to look around on Care.com for a new nanny position because truth is, I was no longer happy with my living arrangements. I felt that I had no freedom, not enough privacy, wasn't really able to leave during the week, couldn't plan an independent life outside of work because the hours were so erratic, and I just knew that I was becoming burned out and exhausted of the whole situation. So, I began the search to make a change for January and it wasn't long until I had secured a job for a precious young family living in Mill Valley. I interviewed for Sarah on a Sunday, was offered the job that Thursday, accepted the next day, and was babysitting for them by that Saturday. It was a whirlwind process, but a very positive one. I began searching for a place to live, obviously, but no one wanted to wait for a new roommate for the new year, everyone seemed to need someone right-stat-now. 

So, I informed Adele of what was going on and she agreed that it was time for everyone to move, which was a huge relief! However, she decided that she would rather have someone new and in place before the holidays and a new school semester in order to have said person acclimated and prepared. Totally understandable. But then things got cold. I will not go into too much detail or bash anyone on a public forum because I'm not trashy. I will just say that I was uncomfortable living there that I knew that I needed to get out of there as soon as I possibly could. I had been working diligently all day and night trying to find a place to live and some part-time/temporary work. I cannot begin to express to you fully how stressed and freaked out I was. I knew I needed out, but I didn't know where I was going to go! But then, after talking to Sarah about my situation, we agreed that some part-time work with the family now would benefit everyone in the long run anyway! That was one relief. 

I had found this house that was pretty affordable and in a not-too-bad location in relation to work, went to see it and meet the tenants on Monday night. By the grace of God, I had found the perfect place. Jariah, a 21-year-old nanny, new to the Bay area, is my new roommate and I could not be happier about it. She is so sweet, similar in personality, lifestyle, and tastes and the house is what I need right now. First of all, it's my own place in which I can live more comfortably and freely. I can now leave work and come home. No more living at work. That separation is the main thing I was looking for in all of this. My own independent life. Our landlord is still living there, but is moving to Hawaii at the end of the month, leaving just Jariah and myself in this awesome house. And when I say awesome, I mean awesome. We have a very large pool in the backyard AND a hot tub. No, I'm not making that up...Mina, the landlord, is just fantastic too. I explained my tight financial situation to her and she so graciously worked with me on payments and such and I could not be more grateful. 

I left Benicia on Wednesday and stayed at John's for the rest of the week. I cannot tell you how much better he made my life over the past 4 days. I was an emotional wreck, though I hid it well for the most part. I silently freaked out for an entire week and then everything came out when I called my parents on Monday night. I hadn't really spoken to anyone about just how crazy everything was so I explained everything to them. I wanted to wait until I had a more concrete plan so that they wouldn't be freaked out too. So, because I hadn't spoken about it, when I finally did I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I lost the control and cried harder than I had in months and it felt amazing. I was so focused on figuring everything out that I hadn't really stopped to think about what exactly was happening. My life was changing drastically and I wasn't really paying attention to the craziness, I think I was just focused on the logistics of the situation. That hour and a half conversation was my therapy.

When I got to John's, he assured me that we were going to have fun and not have to focus on what was happening, but while that was happening, everything fell into place. I had been applying to as many childcare jobs as possible to fill in the days (I'm only working with Sarah on Wednesdays and Thursdays until the end of the year), and all of a sudden, I got responses to like 5! As I'm typing this, I'm sitting in the apartment of my other part-time job: working for a single mother watching her 2.5 year old little boy while she works over night on Sunday nights and then while she sleeps for a little while on Monday. Then, I come back Monday night, stay over again and take him to preschool on Tuesday morning and then I'm done until the next Sunday. And I get $400/week for this. Yep. I was all freaked out because I had no clue how I was going to pay rent and still be able to live, but thanks to this woman and Sarah letting me help out during the week, I'm making rent in just one week of each month. Yep. I literally teared up when I realized how much better my situation had all of a sudden gotten in a matter of days. 

So, after the work situation became solid, I was able to officially accept the room and lease-agreement with Mina and Jariah. I moved in today and am already feeling 110% better than I did just yesterday. John did make my week a million times better with all of the fun stuff and relaxing we did, but of course I was still a little worried about everything. Now that I've moved in, started this job, and starting with Sarah on Thursday, I'm no longer scared or freaked out. I know that with the help of my amazing family, my awesome boyfriend (who put gas in my car without telling me :), and Him, I'm safe and secure. I have nothing to worry about and I'm happier and feel more free now than I have in months. I sincerely appreciate everyone's concern and curiosity about my situation and for sticking with me. I didn't want to update until I had a firm plan and an absolute update. I'm just. I'm still emotional. I'm still a little on-edge. But I'm better and I'm so proud of myself for figuring everything out on my own. When I spoke to my mom that night she was wondering why I was so freaked because she said it seemed like I had everything figured out, and looking back on it, she was right. I think the freak out just came from a place where I have a fear of the unknown, ya know? I don't like not being in control of my situation and this made me feel more out of control than ever. 

Like I said, I'm very proud and kind of surprised that I did all of this myself. I could have easily just packed up my car and driven back to Alabama. But then what? Go back to doing exactly what I was doing before? No. I don't want to go backwards, I want to continue to grow and become this strong independent person that I'm becoming. I'm enjoying seeing myself develop and grow. Also, no way I was just leaving John… ;) I'm proud of what I did and knowing that I had the choice to change my situation for the better. Too many people stick with a job they hate simply because of money and fear. I like to think that I was brave enough to change my path. Yeah, we'll go with that :)

"I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” -Eric Roth

Meh

Well, I finally did it. I worked through the plateau and finally lost 2 more pounds making that a total of 12. I feel so relieved! I was starting to feel that it was never going to happen...Again, I'm sorry for not updating much for the past couple of weeks, but in all honesty I just straight up have not felt like it. By the time I had time to do any writing during the day, I was too tired or lazy to actually do it... Adele was on-call last week, so it was pretty hectic and full. This past weekend, however, I did whole lotta relaxing. Lots of laying around, John's 5 year old niece's birthday dinner thrown in there, and actual girl time in SF on Sunday. Overall, it was a pretty great 2 days. Now, this coming weekend we are finally-FINALLY-moving to the new house completely. The movers are scheduled for 10 am on Friday and we'll be good to go. Adele bought herself a new bed, so she offered her old one to me (and by old, I mean like less than a year old) which means I'll have my first big girl bed. Yeah. I've only ever had a twin bed for my entire life, but now I'll actually have a queen! Amazingly enough, the bedspread I have is queen sized because it was the only one left where I bought it and I really wanted it...I guess I subconsciously knew...

I've been trying to change up my walking/running routine lately and I guess it worked! I've been taking different routes, switching up distances, going at different times of the morning, different paces, etc. Your body really can get bored and changing things up can kind of trick it into losing. It is really easy to get complacent in your routine and not even think about it. If you're beginning to feel bored with what you're doing, change something. It does wonders. But please make sure you're resting as well. If you don't give it a break it can shut down and do the opposite of what you want it to. I do it to myself more than I should and then when I finally realize it, good things happen. 

I was actually kind of amazed that I lost after this past weekend because, real talk, I ate some junk....Maybe it just wasn't as much as I had thought. Friday night, I cooked dinner for me and John which was a delicious chicken, red potato, and cooked carrot dish (literally just chicken breasts, cut up red potatoes, and carrots that I'd already cooked in a pot with a little butter, brown sugar, and salt, all thrown together and lightly seasoned with salt, pepper, and italian seasoning in a 9x13 baking dish and cooked for 1 hour at 350 degrees). 'Twas delicious and juicy. We had my pumpkin pancakes for brunch on Saturday, then at the birthday dinner, we had vegetarian pizza, butternut squash soup, and cabbage salad. Of course, it wouldn't have been a birthday without cupcakes...totally had a chocolate one...Sunday, I went to lunch with a couple of girl friends and had this amazing-AMAZING- cheddar and ham grilled cheese on sourdough at this sandwich place in the North Beach neighborhood. It was literally one of the best things I've ever tasted in my life... I think the key to the weekend was that my body got rest, I didn't over-eat at any meal, and there was no eating in between the meals. If only I could do that every day...

Seriously, if I could sleep in every day, I'd probably be at my goal and then some. No joke. When I sleep in, I'm able to distribute what would have been my breakfast calories into the other two main meals of the day and I feel full for more of the day and have less tendency to want to snack. But since I can't sleep in every day, I have to control myself. Wanting to be healthy really sucks. Not really. But really. I'm extremely proud of myself so far this week because I've done a good job of keeping myself busy and not focused on food. I didn't do anything active yesterday simply because I just didn't wanna. Sometimes that's ok, especially after making progress weight-loss-wise over the weekend. When I weighed this morning, I was exactly the same as yesterday, so no harm done. I walked 3 miles today and I feel good about it. Instead of going this morning, I just waited until close to the time that I go to get Isa and just walked around the neighborhood and then got her and walked home. I like that set-up.

I lucked out and got tomorrow off because I have to work a little extra this evening and I'm pretty pumped about it. I've really had a hard time falling asleep this week and feeling super groggy in the mornings, so a chance to sleep will do wonders for me. I also have to take as much of my stuff as I can to the new house so that it will be easier for the movers on Friday. So, relaxing morning-busy day. I'll take it. 

So Many Things To Talk About

I literally spent the entire morning walking. For 2 hours and 16 minutes, 8.05 miles, I enjoyed the scenery in this beautiful town. For the first time, I branched out and actually took in what I was looking at, really seeing it all. I parked my car at the park where I usually do, but instead of heading out onto the park path, I went the other direction towards town. Along the way, I was able to smell, hear, see the water and feel the breeze coming off the bay and really look at all of the beautiful houses. I came across an almost hidden path down to the shore, went down it, and just stood there for a minute and looked. I also found a memorial park that has the American and California flags flying (at half-mast today, obviously) and I took a moment there, as well. When I turned around and headed back to the park, I decided not to do my usual. I, instead, followed the path that goes out into the marsh and brush where it was completely quiet. There was no one else out there with me, the clouds made it darker than usual and beautiful, and on my phone a piece of music began to play that was absolutely soothing. It was an amazing opportunity to relfect, be in peace, and remember what today's anniversary is. I actually began to cry a little because of everything going through my mind coupled with the music and scenery. I took some deeps breaths and just felt so content and thankful. I know it sounds cheesy, but it happened. I just felt very calm. More at ease than I've felt in weeks.

clockwise: the flags at half-mast, the hidden path, and what I was in the middle of and looking at on that path in the brush.

This week I've been on kind of an emotional roller coaster and have just been feeling down and more homesick than I ever thought possible. I've been homesick from time to time since I moved, but it has been overwhelming for the past couple of weeks. I've cried, talked to my mom about all of it, and over-eaten to the point of hating myself. But when I woke up this morning, I had a completely different attitude and felt more at ease and at peace than I have in weeks. I usually try to get through my daily exercise as quickly as possible in order to get back to the house so that I can get back to being lazy and to enjoy the empty, quiet the house but today, I enjoyed so much being out there and breathing in my surroundings. I didn't care or even notice how long I'd been going. I had slipped into a funk, but I'm quickly climbing back out of it. I am unfortunately an emotional eater and the first half of this week was a doozy, but now that I'm feeling more on the upside, I'm having a much easier time controlling my appetite. It definitely helps my mindset looking back at my fitness app record and seeing that I burned 875 calories today (walked to and from the school to get Isa added another 3/4 of a mile and 75 extra calories burned). I had to do something to make up for the past couple of days and I really feel like today was a sort of therapy for me.

On a much happier, less somber note, we have begun the moving process! This past weekend, I got my new bathroom completely set up, moved all of my shoes, most of my hang-up clothes, pictures, and wall hangings. It definitely makes me feel better actually putting my own things into that room and planning out where I want things to go. It's also really exciting that my closet is super big and my bathroom is awesome, ya know, without the toys falling all over me and boy pee all over the toilet, going in and having everything be exactly where I left it, and no towels on the floor. I've even had the chance to use the new shower a couple of times and let me tell ya, it's wonderful. It's so spacious and doesn't have an annoying curtain blowing in on me that I have to anchor down with shampoo bottles. It's the little things, guys. The new house really is incredibly beautiful and the views are ridiculous.

                          Sunset from the back patio and some pics from my bathroom.

Told ya. I can't wait to be completely moved over there and it shouldn't be too much longer until that happens. Adele talked about possibly having the beds moved over this weekend, so we may be sleeping there very soon. She's orded brand new couches for the living room and after seeing the picture of them, I'm ecstatic! They're gorgeous, dark brown leather and each end reclines. Ah. The current "couch" is actually a futon and it is grotesquely uncomfortable. Like, I don't think you understand. I wish I could think of something to compare it to, but nothing horrible enough comes to mind. I'll be much more inclined to hang out in the living room more since it won't give me back issues...It could really become easy to seclude myself once we move since my space is so separated from the rest of the house, but I don't want to let that happen. I want to hang out with the kids and spend time with the whole family, but in this house right now, it's hard for me to want to because the layout sucks and the furniture is terrible. It's no excuse, but it's all I've got. I'm ready for it to feel as if we live in a real home rather than just a temporary house. I feel at home with the family, but not in this structure. It's definitely time to get more permanent. 

I want to apologize for my absence for the past week and a half. Like I said, I've been down and emotional and exhausted and just in a somewhat foul mood. I'm over it now and I'm back. To kind of catch you up with where I am in the exercise department, let's talk about last week. Monday- 5.41 mi
Tuesday- 5.5 mi
Wednesday- 3 mi
Thursday- 5.5 mi
Friday- 3.28 mi
22.69 miles and approximately 2,815 calories burned for the week. 

That feels pretty good to look at. One of my favorite features of the Mapmyfitness app is that every Sunday, it emails you your "greatness at a glance" (that's what the weekly report is called and I love it). It tells you how many miles and hours logged, average pace, and calories burned for the week. It's really uplifting to see it all added up like that and to think back on what you accomplished. Because last week was so full and because I'm a girl and things happen...I'm taking it a little easier this week. My body is fatigued and I'm mentally unable to push myself as I normally do. I'm pretty much just walking this week, though I did run here and there during today's outing just to kind of break up the monotony of just walking and it gave my legs kind of a re-energizer. I'm having some soreness in my left knee again and have been having problems with the main joint of my right big toe, so to keep from further injuring myself, I'm not going to over-work. I have more time to take in what's around me and more time to enjoy beautiful music. I may do the same again tomorrow, honestly. It was an incredibly enjoyable and peaceful morning. I feel right, y'all. I feel right.

P.S. This is the beautifully peaceful piece of music that I was listening to when I was out on the path (was used for my favorite piece from this season of "So You Think You Can Dance").
ENJOY
Ya know what, I really just wanna share that too, so here. Seriously, you should watch that. They really do seem like they're underwater! Stunning. It makes me cry every time I watch it.

Re-motivated

I kind of lost my way this week. Not in running, that was actually pretty spectacular this week, but my eating habits were not a source of pride...I didn't go crazy or lose complete control, but I found myself doing a lot more "snacking" than normal. I'm still having a really hard time finding that balance of calories burned and calories eaten and I'm still quite frustrated by it. All I can do is to keep going and keep working hard at this. Yesterday's run was kind of amazing. I did 5.5 miles and I did the whole thing with no pain...That was weird...No side cramps, no leg cramps, nothin'...I wish it could be like that every time! Today wasn't too bad, but I was still having some side cramps. I took it easy and just did about 3.3 miles, but I burned 400 calories, so it was definitely a success. Three miles is "taking it easy". That feels good to say :)

I'm fairly certain I'm going to be able to begin the moving process this weekend! Adele is over at the new as at this moment getting the carpets cleaned and the locks changed. As soon as I get my key, she said it's OK for me to start moving stuff in. I'm so excited! I still haven't even packed anything, but I honestly don't have much to do...It's pretty much just clothing, to be honest. I can definitely get my bathroom set up and take books and such over, but thankfully, Adele is having movers come get all of the big furniture :D I don't think I've ever gotten to move (other than moving out here) and not actually have to move any furniture...And I've moved a lot, guys. Like, a lot a lot. 

Ya know, it seems like everytime I feel a little down about my control over eating, someone contacts me needing advice or just some words of encouragement and I feel in control again. It gets me motivated and refocused on what I need to do. It makes me look back on where I've been, what I've been through, how I got here, just gets me looking at my progress. It always seem to come in perfect timing, too. It always happens when I need to hear it the most and it happened again this week. I had a very close friend text me needing direction with really getting her process started and how to push herself and keep motivated and it made me go all the way back to my very first blog post when I explained everything to you guys about how I got to where I am. Re-reading that really helped me remember what I have done and what I need to do again. Looking back makes me want to be better. I love hearing from you guys :)

"Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going." I have to remember that quote quite frequently. I have to keep myself motivated, but what keeps me motivated? Results. When I see a difference, feel a difference, feel good about myself, feel good physically, I'm motivated to keep it all going. Just because I'm not neccessarily losing weight, I'm doing good things for my body, my mood, and my future health. Being healthy now will help me age better and stay healthier for longer. I'm not just living for the now, I'm working for my future. I work hard for myself and for my future family. I want to be able to play with my kids (whenever that happens...) and not feel old. I want to be able to keep up with them without running out of breath, ya know? I want to be one of those moms that other people see and think "damn, she looks great! Has she really had kids?" Whenever I get married, I don't want to have to work to get into that certain size, I want to be there already. I want to be able to wear whatever wedding dress I want. Being healthy now will help me have a safer pregnancy one day and help me get back into shape afterwards. I'm at an age now where I have to think about these things rather just focusing on just looking good now. I'm doing all of this for so many reasons, so many important reasons. 

Even if you're struggling to get going or to keep going, just remember that one thing that got you motivated in the first place. My initial reasoning was because I was tired of feeling crappy about the way that I looked in clothes, but as I kept going, I realized that there is so much more to it than that. All of the other benefits kept me motivated and kept me working. Being unhealthy is not worth it in any way. There's this saying that I keep seeing on Pinterest: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." First of all, lies. Pizza, cake, chocolate, tacos, pie, cookies, etc. I'd much rather just be able to eat whatever I want without getting fat, but I love food too much. Your motivation shouldn't be "skinny", it should be healthy. Some of the smallest people I know are also some of the most out of shape people I know. Just because you're small doesn't mean you're healthy. I know plenty of skinny people who can't run for a quarter of a mile without stopping. How you look shouldn't be the goal, it should be one of the many benefits of getting healthy. Don't work towards skinny, work towards healthy. I cannot say it enough. 

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy

Sometimes you just need a day to breathe. This is that day. I'm off until Tuesday morning and I kicked off the weekend in the best way possible: sleeping for 11 hours and then getting up (kind of) and doing nothing. Win. Adele took the kids to this thing in San Jose and won't be back until late tonight, so I have the house to myself for the day. That's just icing on the cake for me! Sometimes I really need to be completely alone with no one to talk to me, no one to ask me to do anything for them, no one to make noise; just me, my movies, and my bed. I am going to get out later, probably after dinner, for a walk around the neighborhood and that's the extent of it. The thought of getting out to that park and running for an hour makes me want to cry today. Last night I had some serious struggles trying to get through that run, but I pushed as hard as I could and at least got something done. But when I woke up this morning (almost afternoon), I found that I had actually lost a few ounces. Huh, interesting. I ran less and ate a little more. Maybe I'm getting closer to finding the right balance.

I'm going to be having my favorite food this evening: my pumpkin pancakes. I just could not be more excited! I haven't had them in months and now that Fall is right around the corner, I can't hold off anymore! I had a home-made pumpkin spice latte yesterday, pumpkin oatmeal for dinner, and a pumpkin smoothie for lunch today....Yep, it's that time again:

But seriously, it may be an addiction. No, it is. There's a feeling that comes with Fall and it makes me want to smell certain things, taste certain things, watch certain things, read certain things. This time of year makes me want to all of a sudden read everything Washington Irving and James Finimore Cooper have ever written, watch and read things set in the Hudson River Valley (I'm watching "The Last Of The Mohicans as I type...) and watch every Halloween themed movie out there. I want to smell burning leaves, hear the wind blow them off of the trees, see their colors. I wish it could be Fall all year round. But then I guess it wouldn't be so special, huh. 

Back to the lazy thing. I feel like I haven't just layed in bed and watched movies in weeks, so it was definitely over-due! I haven't changed out of my pajamas yet and I honestly have no plans to until I go for my walk. Why do that when no one is going to see me? And of course I'll be taking tomorrow and Sunday off from running. I'm sure I'll be doing some walking in Oakland, but it's much more leisurly. You have to recharge your batteries sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that. No one is Superman or Superwoman. As a human, you need to take time to let your body rest and rejuvenate! You must chill from time to time. Me today: no make up, hair in a bun, I mean damn, I haven't even put my contacts in yet! I might not....That's the beauty of these kinds of days. I recommend them to everyone. You run a serious risk of over-exerting yourself and setting your progress back when you don't take the time to let your body rest. Just trust me on this.

"Despite everything..."

I'm becoming less and less of a fan of the internet. There are a lot of not-so-great things happening in the world lately. Now, I'm not a political person and I won't pretend to know every detail of what's going on, but I can say that you don't have to let it get to you and drag you down. There is still good in the world whether you choose to see it or not. Most people, especially the media, tend to focus on the bad and what's wrong in the news, but we tend to forget that there are still really great things to look on in a positive light. Yes, there's war. Yes, there's poverty. Yes, it's an imperfect world. Ya know why? Because the human race is imperfect. These bad things will always be around no matter how hard we try to fix them, but we can still try. There's no reason to give up and give in to the evils out there. You can choose to be a positive light in this ever-changing, ever-darkening world. Why add to the bad?

I feel as though all I ever see on Facebook these days is negativity about politicians, celebrities, musicians, public figures, etc. and I gotta tell you, I can't stand it. I remember when Facebook first started and it was a much simpler place. People used it to share pictures, update friends on the goings-on in their lives, share knowledge, music, movies, books, what have you, but now people have taken it upon themselves to use it as a platform to voice their (at times obnoxious) opinions, especially about politics. I find, more often than not, that it usually completely alters my opinion of these people. I can't tell you how many friends I have hidden from my newsfeed based solely on this matter. I'm not talking about the people who share something every now and then. No, I'm talking about the people who post several times a day in what I can only assume is an attempt to sway others' opinions. Ya know what? You posted it on the internet. Congratulations. You shared something that may or may not even be fact. People believe what they believe, your internet article or political picture is probably not going to change anyone's mind. Seriously, though. Why can't it go back to being a place to share humor and life events? When did it become a battleground? And why are we continuing to argue over the internet like cowards and children? 

We are never all going to agree on any one thing. There will always be people protesting this and that and yeah, it stinks. But the reality is that this world is imperfect and always will be. But we don't have to continue to tear each other down for sharing our opinions either. Posting political or religious things shouldn't even be a negative thing, but negative people have made it that way. These are the people who argue for argument's sake, who thrive on putting others down in order to make themselves feel smarter or more superior. These people seem to believe that their opinion is the only right one. If people would stop attacking other people for thinking a certain way, we would all be a lot happier. Religious people are torn apart for expressing their faith, get "yelled" at, laughed at, made fun of, called idiotic. This is sad. There are some Christians (or who claim to be) who are complete nutcases and make us all look bad *cough- Westboro Baptist Church -cough*. Those people are absolutely out of their minds. But because the media and internet put so much emphasis and focus on the bad examples of religious groups, people think that's what all of their members are like. Depressing, really. 

Ya know what word gets thrown around the internet that I loathe? Ignorant Sometimes I think people use that word and think it means something along the lines of idiotic. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." (name that movie) More often than not, when people are called ignorant, they've simply expressed their opinion and then get called racist, discriminatory, prejudiced, biased, etc. They could be incredibly well-informed, know exactly what they're talking about, but the opposing side will still claim ignorance because it goes against what they believe and it's easy to pull that card. What if I told you that someone can disagree with you without being a complete moron. Yes, there are racists and bigots, a lot of them. But just because an individual doesn't like you as a person doesn't mean they hate your race, your gender, your sexuality, your religion, whatever. Bottom line: everyone needs to just calm down. 

I love the internet and I hate the internet. It's incredibly helpful in so many ways but I believe that it is destroying society. People don't talk face-to-face anymore. Heck, people don't even talk on the phone anymore. Everything is digital, everything is electronic, everything is lifeless. People are so obsessed with telling people what they think about certain things that they're not really living their lives. People can't even stay off of the internet for as long as a drive down the street. Stop texting and driving, people. I mean seriously. There is nothing so important that it can't wait a few more minutes. It makes everyone nervous. You can live in reality for just a little bit and actually talk to someone and focus on real life. Now more than ever, I feel that we are failing. We are destroying ourselves from the inside out. And I fear that my children will have to live in a world full of nonsensical hate. And they will be living in a world where iPads, TVs, electronics in general will be raising kids. A world where an 8 year old gets an iPhone. Not my kids! I mean, seriously. Be a kid for as long as you can! Play! Step away from that screen! 

Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you have to join. Be you, express yourself, but do it in a civil manner. Be positive. Don't perpetuate the stereotypes, the unsolicited hatred, the obnoxiousness, just live your life without doing harm to others. Have an opinion, but don't shove it in others' faces and down their throats. Nine times out of ten, yelling and forcefulness really just make you seem uneducated and uninformed. When you speak calmly, you sound more intellegent and people tend to listen more attentively. Be nice, be happy, be a good citizen, be a good person. Do what you can to spread positivity and laughter. I have a voice. I have an opinion, many in fact, but I choose not to force-feed them to other people. If someone asks me what I think, I'll answer. I guess I'm just a private person and I honestly don't want people to base their impression of me on what I believe religiously, politically, whatever. I want to make an impression based on my personality and actions. But maybe this is just me. I just want people to focus less on the bad and more on the good. There's still plenty of it out there, folks. Just keep looking for it and you'll see. Better yet, create it.