This Is Just A Chapter

I'm back! I didn't intend to not write while I was at home, but I was really busy for the entirety of the whole trip...but in the best way possible. I'm an aunt! Carter Duncan LaFollette was born early Tuesday morning, July 30. Yes, the day that I was to travel home...I knew he wouldn't wait for me...But it worked out for the best because I got to spend more time with him and also because my mom took a week off from work starting the day he'd be born, so I got the whole first week with mom and dad both at home with me. Quite a bonus. I did a lot while I was home and saw a lot of people, but it went by way too quickly. Like, waaayyyy too quickly. Now that I'm back, it feels as though I was never even gone...and that doesn't feel good. Is it December yet? 

First and foremost, the birth of Carter and getting to hold that precious kid was the highlight of the trip. He's perfect in every way and just could not be any more beautiful. He has my brother's nose and ears, but that child looks just like his mommy. They're both beautiful, so it really didn't matter who he'd end up resembling. I wish so badly that I could have spent even more time with him, but I'm grateful for all that I did get! Also because of his arrival, I was able to see grandparents without all of the traveling. I was happy to not have to spend too much time in a car when I only had so much time with everyone at home. 

The second most important thing was all of the eating...I was able to eat at all of my favorite restaurants and even tried a couple of new ones. I'm proud of myself and my control because I could have easily treated the trip like a vacation and gone crazy, but I didn't. Of course I splurged and ate my favorite dishes at said restaurants, but I was mindful of my choices and portions. I weighed myself this morning and I was quite happy to find that I only gained about a pound. Breaking even was the initial goal, but this minimal damage makes it much easier for me to get back on track. I did run while I was home for the first week, but it was not easy...I had forgotten just how humid it is down there...The first night that I went out there, it was about 9:45 and I came back in completely drenched in sweat. It was as if I had run through sprinklers the whole time. I don't sweat that much running at 2pm in direct sunlight here in Benicia...I spent the whole first mile just attempting to establish a good breathing pattern...

I didn't do as much the second week only because I simply did not have the time. I did more running around, painting furniture, staying with my sister, and just doing more. I did walk a fair bit, but I controlled my eating. I wish so much that I could have stayed in Birmingham for longer, but I am so grateful for what I did have. Now that I'm back, it's back to work, back to eating right, back to running daily, and just getting back into my routine. But I didn't waste much time getting back into the city. I had Monday off, so John and I went into San Francisco and found our way to this Mosaic staircase on the North end side of the city that's pretty close to the Pacific. It was absolutely beautiful. We walked to the top and found another set of stairs that took us even higher. Then, to our surprise, there was another set that went to the top of this hill. And my calves are still on fire....They were complete jell-o for the rest of the day, but the view at the top was pretty amazing. Worth the hike. And, hey, I burned some of that brunch off...

The kids start school on the 21st (next Wednesday), thank the Lord. Not that I don't love them, but I am ready for them to not be in this house all day, every single day...Also, now that Isa will be in kindergarten, I'll be taking them to the same school. No more dropping one off and then driving another 15 minutes to another school and then driving 15 minutes back. Both home at the same time, both on the same schedule, just yes. So much easier. I'm also actually trying pretty hard to get back into some classes myself this semester. There's a community college close by that offers some short-term classes that don't start right away and fall into my daily time frame, so I'm hoping to get into at least one or two. Another thing: I've decided that rather than journalism, I'm going to obtain a degree in library sciences instead. I know, you're thinking "what the heck do you do with that?" Well, the answer to that is that I'll work in a library. AKA Librarian. May sound boring to you, but I love books. I love handling books, smelling books, reading books, just everything about them. I don't know why it took me this long to realize that this was an option, but I wanna do it. So, there's that. 

I know a lot of you probably think that I change my mind a lot and you would be right about that. It has taken me quite a while to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life, but it's better to take my time to really figure it out rather than waste my time and money on other things. I strongly believe from my own experiences that not everyone is meant for school or just not meant to go to school directly out of high school. If I had considered doing something else for a year an option, I would have taken it immediately. Yes, I loved marching in Southerners. Yes, I am still super close with several people that I met at that school and I did learn a good bit in my English classes. But I was a complete failure at being a student during that time in my life. Another question you may have: "What's different about it this time?" The answer to that is that I am more mature, more prepared, and more ready over-all for this experience. I'm just ready.

I also don't look at it as an option this time. I'm going to be receiving help from Adele in paying for it this time around which means it's not my money to waste. I have to do my best and try harder because I have no choice. Either I do it right or I don't do it at all. But I feel that I have to do it. Yes, more and more careers are based on experience over degree these days, but there are still many fields in which you are guaranteed higher salary and better benefits with a degree plus experience. It's not gonna be easy, it's not always gonna be fun, but it's something that I have to do for myself! I'm also tired of people asking me about school. I wish people understood how embarrassing it is to have to answer questions about dropping out of school. It's embarrassing to tell people that I attended college for 4 years, but left with no degree. That I lived at home for 2 years and worked at a golf course and as a nanny while others my age were already graduated and starting their careers, not just jobs. I wish people who'd never been through that knew what it felt like to face friends and family when you're ashamed of yourself for not succeeding.

I know that it's something that a lot of people do, especially right now with my generation, but it's still hard to explain to people what happened. I honestly think that's why I took this job out here. Of course I wanted to gain new experiences and see another part of the country, but I think in the back of my mind it was just a way to escape. It was in the back of mind, but I didn't realize that it was actually why I did it. Everyone says I was so brave to do something so radical, but in truth, I ran away. I'm doing exactly what I did before I left: I'm still a nanny. I'm just doing it on the opposite coast. I'm still not certified for anything, no degree, no career options, no experience in any real field, I'm just doing it somewhere different. That's the only thing that makes it seem "cool" or "different". What I do is important to Adele and the kids and I do matter, but I know that I'm not going to be a nanny forever. I'm not going to live in California forever. I know for a fact that this is not my forever home. I do enjoy living here and doing something so awesome, but going back home made me realize how much I really do love the South, how much I love that part of the country and its way of life, and especially how much I love and miss my family. Honestly, if certain things hadn't happened, I would probably finish out this school year with the kids and move back to Alabama. But for now, I'll continue with this new school plan for myself. 

I didn't mean for this post to get so serious, but sometimes my mind just kinda runs away from me! These are just things I've been thinking about lately and felt like getting out in the open. It feels good, y'all! A lot of people think that their life begins when they start their career and such, but I can't think that way, not when I'm living in such an adventure already! I'm living a pretty awesome life, so putting off and waiting for my "real life" to start would be avoiding realityand doing a disservice to myself. This is my life, but it's just a chapter. There's still so much more!!!