"If you want to be happy, be." -Leo Tolstoy

Changing my lifestyle has had many effects on me. Obviously, I look different physically, but I have also been told that I look different emotionally. I stopped to think about this and realized that not only do I feel good about myself on the outside, but I feel even better about myself on the inside. This change has created within me an attitude that I have never possessed in my entire life. I've always struggled with depression, social anxiety, and self-consciousness. Changing my appearance, of course, has had a profound impact on the way I feel, but also impacted my mind. Being happy should not be directly correlated with how you look, but with how you think. Yes, the two are connected, but not in such a way that your happiness should depend on how you look. The fact that I'm smaller and more confident is all well and good, but it would mean nothing if I didn't feel that my attitude has made a complete turn-around.
 
One of the most completely amazing revelations I've had is that I, Rachel, former fatty and lazy bum, would inspire people to do the same. The amount of comments, messages, and "likes" on Facebook I receive every time I post something about my progress is absolutely overwhelming and a bit mind-blowing. I've always felt that I've just blended in and been in the background, but now I feel that I've truly accomplished something and my reward has been not only feeling amazing about myself, but also in knowing that I've helped others. Just helping one would have been enough, but the amount of people I've apparently inspired honestly kind of makes me want to cry. Tears of joy, of course :)

This is not all about getting skinny, though. I'm fighting this battle to become healthy, to become fit, not to be thin. That's honestly just a perk of the process. I was never able to run very long or far, I had no stamina, and I had no drive. All of that has changed. I truly am like a different person. But only in the best way! Also, I don't mean healthy only in the physical sense, but in the mental and emotional sense as well. In the 7 months that I have been doing this, I have not struggled with depression. This is kind of amazing for me. Before, about every 2-3 months or so, I would spiral down into a little black hole and not want to see anyone or go anywhere for about 2 weeks. I would have to force myself to be around other people or to even leave the house. When I was in school, I even got all the way to a class, sitting in my car in the parking lot, turned my car back on and driven home before, simply because I couldn't bear the thought of being around people for even an hour of my day.  True story. It has been scientifically proven that exercise and eating correctly have an impact on depression and happiness. I have found from personal experience that this is absolutely true. It also can help your sleeping patterns. I used to struggle with sleep, sometimes going through bouts of insomnia. However, since this change, I sleep better than I ever have before. I do still struggle with it from time to time when I'm stressed, but overall, it has improved greatly. Obviously, the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are greater than just getting into a smaller size or being able to show a little more skin. Being active and eating correctly change change your life in so many ways.

The greastest change I've seen in myself is my overall attitude. I used to be one of the most negative people I knew. Nothing ever went my way, nothing was going to make me happy, nothing about my life was good. Or so I thought. My struggles with depression have always burdened my life and always made me feel even worse about myself. However, after I decided to change my lifestyle and get healthy, I could feel a weight lift off of my shoulders, as if the dark rain clouds had finally cleared from above my little Eeyore head. As soon as I started to feel that I was improving, I suddenly began to feel a little more happy, a little more positive, a little more ME.  I feel now that I can move on with my life, open a new chapter. My newfound positive attitude has gotten me back to school. I'm (if everything goes according to plan) starting again in January. I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to now. Like, I have wings, like nothing can stop me! I've always been somewhat of an underachiever so when I finally felt that I was succeeding at something, I felt that could keep going and that I could truly accomplish something. For real this time. I've tried so many times to diet or lose 20 pounds and ya know what? It didn't work. Why? Because I was looking at it as a temporary thing. I wasn't truly looking ahead into the future, I was focused on the now, on the "if I don't see results immediately, it's not worth it". This is a journey, yes, but it is also a permanent change. I will never eat the way I used to, I will never lead the sedentary lifestyle that I used to, I will never be the same. And that's the most amazing revelation I could have never expected. I didn't think in the beginning "I sure hope this works." No. I said to myself "I'm doing this, I'm changing, this is going to work."

A healthy life = a happier you. That's what I've learned from all of this. When I do eat something greasy or too sugary, I feel awful. I feel heavy, I feel gross. Its always a good reminder of why I eat the way I do. Even though that is just a small, temporary reminder, it reminds me of the big picture and of the fact that I used to eat that way all the time. Doing that constantly kept me in a perpetual state of unhappiness and I didn't even realize that it was one of the contributing factors. I'm not saying that your happiness completely relies on what you eat, but your happiness will improve if you feel good about what you're doing and what you're accomplishing. Choosing the right foods over the wrong is a small sort of accomplishment, a small victory in the ongoing battle, but doing the right thing will present greater benefits than when you choose the wrong thing. Instead of that greasy hamburger, order a wrap. Instead of sitting on your couch watching t.v. all day, go for a walk or a jog. 10-15 minutes out of your day won't kill you, in fact it will help you! Start small, but you have to start! Change your mindset, change your life. Small victories lead to great victories. Leo Tolstoy said it best, "If you want to be happy, be." Absolutely Mr. Tolstoy. Absolutely. It truly is all up to you! You can choose whether or not you're going to enjoy life, whether or not you're going to get out of bed with a smile on your face! You're only going to be happy if you truly want to be, so make the decision. What's it gonna be? A temporary satisfaction from that cupcake or permanent joy and confidence from a healthy life? I think you know which one you truly want :)