Meh

Well, I finally did it. I worked through the plateau and finally lost 2 more pounds making that a total of 12. I feel so relieved! I was starting to feel that it was never going to happen...Again, I'm sorry for not updating much for the past couple of weeks, but in all honesty I just straight up have not felt like it. By the time I had time to do any writing during the day, I was too tired or lazy to actually do it... Adele was on-call last week, so it was pretty hectic and full. This past weekend, however, I did whole lotta relaxing. Lots of laying around, John's 5 year old niece's birthday dinner thrown in there, and actual girl time in SF on Sunday. Overall, it was a pretty great 2 days. Now, this coming weekend we are finally-FINALLY-moving to the new house completely. The movers are scheduled for 10 am on Friday and we'll be good to go. Adele bought herself a new bed, so she offered her old one to me (and by old, I mean like less than a year old) which means I'll have my first big girl bed. Yeah. I've only ever had a twin bed for my entire life, but now I'll actually have a queen! Amazingly enough, the bedspread I have is queen sized because it was the only one left where I bought it and I really wanted it...I guess I subconsciously knew...

I've been trying to change up my walking/running routine lately and I guess it worked! I've been taking different routes, switching up distances, going at different times of the morning, different paces, etc. Your body really can get bored and changing things up can kind of trick it into losing. It is really easy to get complacent in your routine and not even think about it. If you're beginning to feel bored with what you're doing, change something. It does wonders. But please make sure you're resting as well. If you don't give it a break it can shut down and do the opposite of what you want it to. I do it to myself more than I should and then when I finally realize it, good things happen. 

I was actually kind of amazed that I lost after this past weekend because, real talk, I ate some junk....Maybe it just wasn't as much as I had thought. Friday night, I cooked dinner for me and John which was a delicious chicken, red potato, and cooked carrot dish (literally just chicken breasts, cut up red potatoes, and carrots that I'd already cooked in a pot with a little butter, brown sugar, and salt, all thrown together and lightly seasoned with salt, pepper, and italian seasoning in a 9x13 baking dish and cooked for 1 hour at 350 degrees). 'Twas delicious and juicy. We had my pumpkin pancakes for brunch on Saturday, then at the birthday dinner, we had vegetarian pizza, butternut squash soup, and cabbage salad. Of course, it wouldn't have been a birthday without cupcakes...totally had a chocolate one...Sunday, I went to lunch with a couple of girl friends and had this amazing-AMAZING- cheddar and ham grilled cheese on sourdough at this sandwich place in the North Beach neighborhood. It was literally one of the best things I've ever tasted in my life... I think the key to the weekend was that my body got rest, I didn't over-eat at any meal, and there was no eating in between the meals. If only I could do that every day...

Seriously, if I could sleep in every day, I'd probably be at my goal and then some. No joke. When I sleep in, I'm able to distribute what would have been my breakfast calories into the other two main meals of the day and I feel full for more of the day and have less tendency to want to snack. But since I can't sleep in every day, I have to control myself. Wanting to be healthy really sucks. Not really. But really. I'm extremely proud of myself so far this week because I've done a good job of keeping myself busy and not focused on food. I didn't do anything active yesterday simply because I just didn't wanna. Sometimes that's ok, especially after making progress weight-loss-wise over the weekend. When I weighed this morning, I was exactly the same as yesterday, so no harm done. I walked 3 miles today and I feel good about it. Instead of going this morning, I just waited until close to the time that I go to get Isa and just walked around the neighborhood and then got her and walked home. I like that set-up.

I lucked out and got tomorrow off because I have to work a little extra this evening and I'm pretty pumped about it. I've really had a hard time falling asleep this week and feeling super groggy in the mornings, so a chance to sleep will do wonders for me. I also have to take as much of my stuff as I can to the new house so that it will be easier for the movers on Friday. So, relaxing morning-busy day. I'll take it. 

So Many Things To Talk About

I literally spent the entire morning walking. For 2 hours and 16 minutes, 8.05 miles, I enjoyed the scenery in this beautiful town. For the first time, I branched out and actually took in what I was looking at, really seeing it all. I parked my car at the park where I usually do, but instead of heading out onto the park path, I went the other direction towards town. Along the way, I was able to smell, hear, see the water and feel the breeze coming off the bay and really look at all of the beautiful houses. I came across an almost hidden path down to the shore, went down it, and just stood there for a minute and looked. I also found a memorial park that has the American and California flags flying (at half-mast today, obviously) and I took a moment there, as well. When I turned around and headed back to the park, I decided not to do my usual. I, instead, followed the path that goes out into the marsh and brush where it was completely quiet. There was no one else out there with me, the clouds made it darker than usual and beautiful, and on my phone a piece of music began to play that was absolutely soothing. It was an amazing opportunity to relfect, be in peace, and remember what today's anniversary is. I actually began to cry a little because of everything going through my mind coupled with the music and scenery. I took some deeps breaths and just felt so content and thankful. I know it sounds cheesy, but it happened. I just felt very calm. More at ease than I've felt in weeks.

clockwise: the flags at half-mast, the hidden path, and what I was in the middle of and looking at on that path in the brush.

This week I've been on kind of an emotional roller coaster and have just been feeling down and more homesick than I ever thought possible. I've been homesick from time to time since I moved, but it has been overwhelming for the past couple of weeks. I've cried, talked to my mom about all of it, and over-eaten to the point of hating myself. But when I woke up this morning, I had a completely different attitude and felt more at ease and at peace than I have in weeks. I usually try to get through my daily exercise as quickly as possible in order to get back to the house so that I can get back to being lazy and to enjoy the empty, quiet the house but today, I enjoyed so much being out there and breathing in my surroundings. I didn't care or even notice how long I'd been going. I had slipped into a funk, but I'm quickly climbing back out of it. I am unfortunately an emotional eater and the first half of this week was a doozy, but now that I'm feeling more on the upside, I'm having a much easier time controlling my appetite. It definitely helps my mindset looking back at my fitness app record and seeing that I burned 875 calories today (walked to and from the school to get Isa added another 3/4 of a mile and 75 extra calories burned). I had to do something to make up for the past couple of days and I really feel like today was a sort of therapy for me.

On a much happier, less somber note, we have begun the moving process! This past weekend, I got my new bathroom completely set up, moved all of my shoes, most of my hang-up clothes, pictures, and wall hangings. It definitely makes me feel better actually putting my own things into that room and planning out where I want things to go. It's also really exciting that my closet is super big and my bathroom is awesome, ya know, without the toys falling all over me and boy pee all over the toilet, going in and having everything be exactly where I left it, and no towels on the floor. I've even had the chance to use the new shower a couple of times and let me tell ya, it's wonderful. It's so spacious and doesn't have an annoying curtain blowing in on me that I have to anchor down with shampoo bottles. It's the little things, guys. The new house really is incredibly beautiful and the views are ridiculous.

                          Sunset from the back patio and some pics from my bathroom.

Told ya. I can't wait to be completely moved over there and it shouldn't be too much longer until that happens. Adele talked about possibly having the beds moved over this weekend, so we may be sleeping there very soon. She's orded brand new couches for the living room and after seeing the picture of them, I'm ecstatic! They're gorgeous, dark brown leather and each end reclines. Ah. The current "couch" is actually a futon and it is grotesquely uncomfortable. Like, I don't think you understand. I wish I could think of something to compare it to, but nothing horrible enough comes to mind. I'll be much more inclined to hang out in the living room more since it won't give me back issues...It could really become easy to seclude myself once we move since my space is so separated from the rest of the house, but I don't want to let that happen. I want to hang out with the kids and spend time with the whole family, but in this house right now, it's hard for me to want to because the layout sucks and the furniture is terrible. It's no excuse, but it's all I've got. I'm ready for it to feel as if we live in a real home rather than just a temporary house. I feel at home with the family, but not in this structure. It's definitely time to get more permanent. 

I want to apologize for my absence for the past week and a half. Like I said, I've been down and emotional and exhausted and just in a somewhat foul mood. I'm over it now and I'm back. To kind of catch you up with where I am in the exercise department, let's talk about last week. Monday- 5.41 mi
Tuesday- 5.5 mi
Wednesday- 3 mi
Thursday- 5.5 mi
Friday- 3.28 mi
22.69 miles and approximately 2,815 calories burned for the week. 

That feels pretty good to look at. One of my favorite features of the Mapmyfitness app is that every Sunday, it emails you your "greatness at a glance" (that's what the weekly report is called and I love it). It tells you how many miles and hours logged, average pace, and calories burned for the week. It's really uplifting to see it all added up like that and to think back on what you accomplished. Because last week was so full and because I'm a girl and things happen...I'm taking it a little easier this week. My body is fatigued and I'm mentally unable to push myself as I normally do. I'm pretty much just walking this week, though I did run here and there during today's outing just to kind of break up the monotony of just walking and it gave my legs kind of a re-energizer. I'm having some soreness in my left knee again and have been having problems with the main joint of my right big toe, so to keep from further injuring myself, I'm not going to over-work. I have more time to take in what's around me and more time to enjoy beautiful music. I may do the same again tomorrow, honestly. It was an incredibly enjoyable and peaceful morning. I feel right, y'all. I feel right.

P.S. This is the beautifully peaceful piece of music that I was listening to when I was out on the path (was used for my favorite piece from this season of "So You Think You Can Dance").
ENJOY
Ya know what, I really just wanna share that too, so here. Seriously, you should watch that. They really do seem like they're underwater! Stunning. It makes me cry every time I watch it.

Re-motivated

I kind of lost my way this week. Not in running, that was actually pretty spectacular this week, but my eating habits were not a source of pride...I didn't go crazy or lose complete control, but I found myself doing a lot more "snacking" than normal. I'm still having a really hard time finding that balance of calories burned and calories eaten and I'm still quite frustrated by it. All I can do is to keep going and keep working hard at this. Yesterday's run was kind of amazing. I did 5.5 miles and I did the whole thing with no pain...That was weird...No side cramps, no leg cramps, nothin'...I wish it could be like that every time! Today wasn't too bad, but I was still having some side cramps. I took it easy and just did about 3.3 miles, but I burned 400 calories, so it was definitely a success. Three miles is "taking it easy". That feels good to say :)

I'm fairly certain I'm going to be able to begin the moving process this weekend! Adele is over at the new as at this moment getting the carpets cleaned and the locks changed. As soon as I get my key, she said it's OK for me to start moving stuff in. I'm so excited! I still haven't even packed anything, but I honestly don't have much to do...It's pretty much just clothing, to be honest. I can definitely get my bathroom set up and take books and such over, but thankfully, Adele is having movers come get all of the big furniture :D I don't think I've ever gotten to move (other than moving out here) and not actually have to move any furniture...And I've moved a lot, guys. Like, a lot a lot. 

Ya know, it seems like everytime I feel a little down about my control over eating, someone contacts me needing advice or just some words of encouragement and I feel in control again. It gets me motivated and refocused on what I need to do. It makes me look back on where I've been, what I've been through, how I got here, just gets me looking at my progress. It always seem to come in perfect timing, too. It always happens when I need to hear it the most and it happened again this week. I had a very close friend text me needing direction with really getting her process started and how to push herself and keep motivated and it made me go all the way back to my very first blog post when I explained everything to you guys about how I got to where I am. Re-reading that really helped me remember what I have done and what I need to do again. Looking back makes me want to be better. I love hearing from you guys :)

"Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going." I have to remember that quote quite frequently. I have to keep myself motivated, but what keeps me motivated? Results. When I see a difference, feel a difference, feel good about myself, feel good physically, I'm motivated to keep it all going. Just because I'm not neccessarily losing weight, I'm doing good things for my body, my mood, and my future health. Being healthy now will help me age better and stay healthier for longer. I'm not just living for the now, I'm working for my future. I work hard for myself and for my future family. I want to be able to play with my kids (whenever that happens...) and not feel old. I want to be able to keep up with them without running out of breath, ya know? I want to be one of those moms that other people see and think "damn, she looks great! Has she really had kids?" Whenever I get married, I don't want to have to work to get into that certain size, I want to be there already. I want to be able to wear whatever wedding dress I want. Being healthy now will help me have a safer pregnancy one day and help me get back into shape afterwards. I'm at an age now where I have to think about these things rather just focusing on just looking good now. I'm doing all of this for so many reasons, so many important reasons. 

Even if you're struggling to get going or to keep going, just remember that one thing that got you motivated in the first place. My initial reasoning was because I was tired of feeling crappy about the way that I looked in clothes, but as I kept going, I realized that there is so much more to it than that. All of the other benefits kept me motivated and kept me working. Being unhealthy is not worth it in any way. There's this saying that I keep seeing on Pinterest: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." First of all, lies. Pizza, cake, chocolate, tacos, pie, cookies, etc. I'd much rather just be able to eat whatever I want without getting fat, but I love food too much. Your motivation shouldn't be "skinny", it should be healthy. Some of the smallest people I know are also some of the most out of shape people I know. Just because you're small doesn't mean you're healthy. I know plenty of skinny people who can't run for a quarter of a mile without stopping. How you look shouldn't be the goal, it should be one of the many benefits of getting healthy. Don't work towards skinny, work towards healthy. I cannot say it enough.